Natural Principles

I began reading the book Principled-Centered Leadership by Stephen R. Covey today, and he writes about Natural Principles.

I love reading and learning from others. What I learned while reading, most people strive to ‘fix’ their lives on a weekend. He speaks about the law of the harvest – meaning, you can’t plant and harvest in a weekend. It takes time and planning to have a successful harvest.

He shared, ‘Many parents take teenage rebellion and rejection personally, simply because they are too emotionally dependent upon their children’s acceptance of them, so a state of collusion is established, where they need each other’s weaknesses to validate their perceptions of each other and to justify their own lack of production.‘ (I suggest to re-read this again, these are powerful points to ponder!)

This hit home because I was one of those parents. I believe I was emotionally dependent upon my children’s acceptance of me. I gave them full responsibility to take away my power, which ended up in a state of contention. I set it up, I taught them how to treat me. Looking back I created the collusion aka contention, because I was validating my ineffective coping skill.

My ineffective coping skill was deflection: What does it mean when a person is deflectingDeflecting is a psychological defense mechanism that people use to take the blame off of themselves. When they are deflecting, they are trying to make themselves feel less bad for their wrongdoings – aka blame!

Let me explain, when Stephen R. Covey stated, ‘parents take teenage rebellion and rejection personally.’ What does rejection look like to you? Do you classify that as disrespecting you? Is disrespect really seen as not listening? What about being distracted when you are trying to tell or teach them something? What about them not jumping up on your command to come to you when called?

Is this a pattern? Does this happen often enough that your frustration level is easily met? I knew I was emotionally dependent upon my children’s acceptance of me. I held the belief that IF they’d stop, then I’d stop. How many of you hear the same thing in your homes? How many of you had a similar thought? My dependency on their behavior was directly correlated by the rules I set upon myself, from what I learned as a child. I created ‘rules’ on what love looked like as a child and carried with me in adulthood. That main rule was blame!

What rules have you created around beliefs?

What now?

What does it take to shift the contention level in your homes and heart? 

It takes a desire, then a decision, that leads to action. Desire feeds motivation, and motivation feeds decision making, and a decision feeds action. 

Once you feel you have a desire, check out what we can offer you @www.jodykhill.com. IF we aren’t the ones that resonate with you, we have many connections to guide you towards more fruitful options.

A question that gives reflection, “Do you want to be where you are in the next five years?” IF you answered no, then it’s time to make a decision. 

SOUL Abuse; Rejection versus Unwanted

A friend on Facebook shared her story of being abused and a part she shared pierced my heart. 

As you all know, I continue to heal, layer upon layer, understanding and removing negative emotions that I’ve taken on dealing with a narcissistic mother through writing my blog posts.

Here’s what my friend wrote: “My therapist has told me that it isn’t even the severity of the abuse that determines a person’s ability to go on and heal from it, but more so whether they were believed and supported when they came forward.” ~ Katie McKenzie Peterpaul

When I read the part about being believed and supported, it hit home! Even if the rest didn’t relate to anything for me, this one part did. 

This was the key that brought understanding to my soul; of course, I had to dig deeper. 

You ask, how’s this going to tie in together? Good question! Let’s dissect this and figure this out together.

First, feeling unwanted or rejected are masks for something we feel emotionally deeper. That core yearning to feel others believing in and supporting our divine self. Supporting our divine nature, aka our divine motives which relate to our core character. Not the character others interpret. Just think when someone gossips something bad about you, that person who believes and supports you would NEVER believe what was said. They would have your back. 

Second, It feeds our soul when others see our goodness and our efforts, during the good times and bad. We seek out those WHO see us without question, aka interpretation. We feel a deep connection to those who see us ~ It’s that unconditional love our soul seeks. Our humanness seeks it from others but our divine nature seeks to feel it from Spirit. So when we talk about trauma or abuse in the physical sense, it happens to us spiritually as well. Trauma or abuse of our soul happens when we feel dismissed and believe it as truth. When we feel judged and believe the lie. When we feel accused and believe we are bad. When our character is attacked and we think it’s justified. It’s only when we believe it, does it penetrate us. Think of pretend fighting. When a person throws a punch but doesn’t hit the person, there’s no pain. That is much like having negative feelings of judgment, dismissal, or accusations thrown BUT if that person actually hits the other person, the pain of the dismissal, judgment, accusation ‘hit’ is felt. When we believe the lie of the negative, we feel emotional pain and that pain penetrates our soul. 

What hurts the most is when others you love believe and support the assigned motives over your true character; this has to be the biggest hit of them all! 

We all have pain, we’ve all been hit and when we feel ready to heal, we seek ways that resonate with our soul. I could write pages upon pages of the dark holes of pain I’ve fallen into but I can also relate years of work in learning how to climb out by healing. 

A good resource is a book, “The Four Agreements”

In the First Agreement, it says, “Think back to a time when you or someone you know was angry with someone else and desired revenge. In order to seek revenge, you said something to or about that person with the intention of spreading poison and making that person feel bad about him- or herself.”

I still feel the sting of hurt when a person who was angry with me and desired revenge. I believed this person believed in me and supported me ~ the deepest pain came when I shared feelings from my heart and they claimed I attacked them aka assigned me a motive to years of a friendship and spread those assigned motives they created to anyone who’d listen, yep aka gossiped. WOW! It felt like our entire relationship became an instant lie and I felt the depth of the betrayal. I could spend energy on ‘proving’ her wrong and those she told these hurtful things to but where would that take me? Yep, even deeper into a dark hole of pain and swallowing that poison she spread, all for me to be brought to her level of feeling bad about myself. 

Even writing it I still feel the sting. It was like those words were a flame being thrown on sunburned skin. It hurt! And, it hurt deeply. During those times it’s ok to take a bit longer to realign to spiritual truths. Those who sincerely love you will give you space and time to realign. I can not be in charge of how they feel, I can only be in charge of what I do. I can understand they may be in a challenging position, so I won’t be taking those words personally ~ that’s the Second Agreement. It’s like I can see a wounded person lashing out. Even with that understanding, I can still be hurt. 

When we feel aligned with our truths we know we are in alignment with supporting motives and if others choose to twist them, reassign them, and/or criticized them, that speaks more of their character than yours. 

This is an important reason for strengthening our inner light. It gives us the strength to walk through the fiery darts of emotional wars and stay aligned.  

Together we can create a beautiful New Year! Let’s surround ourselves with mature adults and speak powerful uplifting words with each other.

You may be ready to experience this level of peace; IF yes, sign up to attend the Restored-Soul Retreat! YOU ARE WORTH IT! 

Can you imagine how that would affect 2021 as a whole? Let’s do this!

Sending you love & light

Jody k

Is there such a thing as Eternal Separation?

I’ve had so many thoughts swirling around in my head. You know from previous posts that I spend time analyzing and sorting my thoughts through writing. 

Here’s what I know, believing there is Eternal Separation is more harmful to our Spirits than embracing the truth of God’s love for all his children. What does YOUR gospel teach? It can’t be both ways, you must pick. IF you begin saying, “I believe this way IF” or “I believe that way because” …. be careful because you’re adding conditions to my question. 

Let me explain. In most religions, the ones I’m familiar with, there’s a belief there’s an afterlife. IF we live ‘good’ lives then we will be granted time with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and God the Father. We will live with them once more. Families are believed to be forever so, IF a family member strays, it’s heartbreaking on a whole new level, likened unto spiritual death. This happens on both sides. If a child strays from family beliefs, their fear of making this choice of forever being separated from their family, whom they love with all their heart is devastating. Even difficult family situations are better to live with than to feel eternally separated and alone. One major reason children hide their behavior from their parents. Fear of being eternally rejected and separated. What is sad is IF they stray, they’ve been taught they are bad, which is shame. Do you feel it appropriate to shame children into obedience? Does God shame us to obey? I don’t believe so, religion maybe, but not God!

Shame on parents for loving their beliefs over their child. 

Yes, that is a bold statement but I was one of those parents, so yes, I get this question and I’ve unpackaged it over the years. Today, I’m sharing with you what I’ve learned. 

Let’s talk about the word ‘stray.’ It holds the meaning of wandering, leaving the family to worry. IF parents feel they are losing control, because keeping their family members intact is what shows their commitment to God, the stronger they seek to hold on. IF they continue to stray and the parents or family members can’t hang onto them, fitting them in their family box of rules, beliefs, and attachments, then they surrender and begin blaming the person for wandering. It becomes their fault. The common belief is that the person wouldn’t have strayed if they cared about their family, etc. How sad that even has to be a potential thought! 

Think of the burden that destroys families believing in eternal separation. Think of the burdens parents self inflict by believing in this eternal separation. First and foremost, YOU are not God. YOU believe what you believe based on how you’ve interpreted the lessons you’ve learned. The religious beliefs you hold, and how they may or may not affect you and your family. 

I believe the most damaging is when we connect the word stray with sin. In a way, it justifies and gives us a way to make sense of how we must feel if something doesn’t go exactly how we’ve pictured it. 

During my search to understand, to gain some peace back into my life, to be the parent that loves no matter what, I read, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” ~ by Don Miguel Ruiz

I know some would never pick this book up because he states in his first few pages, this is like a new religion. I believe he was striving to state that religion and gospel are two different things. Religion is the organization to create order and manage a large group of people. Much like a family, parents are there to create order and manage their household. The gospel, on the other hand, is the teachings we strive to learn that offer us peace and understanding in this physical world, those teachings that feed our soul. There are gosple TRUTHS and there are believed truths….I’ll get to that, I promise.

The chapter on what is sin stood out. I reread it multiple times to integrate the truth I felt was there. His definition: ‘a sin is when you go against your true self ~ who you are.” What does that mean? Again, I firmly hold the belief we are spiritual beings first, having a physical world experience, thus WHO we are is a spiritual being! When we go against our Divine Self we are sinning. Be careful here as well, because no one knows what agreements they’ve made with God as to their life journey. As a Divine being, we hold and have a Divine nature without any doubts or questions! Period!

When I imagine God’s love or my Divine Self, I can see the duality of energy within us much like a dimmer switch; the light and dark energy that we each hold, and whichever one wins is the one that’s fed. You know those switches that you push up to turn lights on bright, push down to dim the lights and if you pushed it all the way down, the light goes out. Let’s use this analogy. First, no matter how dark it may seem, the power source is ALWAYS connected, right? As Spiritual beings, your divine light can never, and I mean NEVER go out. It can dim but it can not go out. You are always connected to Source! This source, when you go against it is Sin according to Don Miguel Ruiz, which dims your light. How does that feel to you? 

Let me separate TRUTHS and truths as I promised for you. IF I asked you where the sun sets, what would you say? Would you say the East, or would you say in the West? Believe me, I’ve heard both answers over time. Your answer is going to be based on what you’ve been taught, what you believe, right? So if I said to you, both of these are wrong answers, you begin to feel the prickle to argue? The TRUTH is the sun doesn’t set, the earth rotates around the sun. The truth is what you believe. Big difference, right? 

Back to my original question: Is there such a thing as Eternal Separation?

The TRUTH is NO. We are here in this physical world to do our best with what we know and learn. The truth is based on what you believe. Be careful when judgment is made based on perspective! Nothing but harm comes from that, for all who are involved. 

Let’s ask this, so what happens when a child strays? What about a spouse? That child or spouse has come to earth to walk their journey. They’ve come to you to learn what will best serve them. There are no accidents of who cross’ your path. Not ONE person is a mistake or an accident! That path, I believe wholeheartedly, is a path of a Divine nature and no one knows what that path is except the person and God! Yep, even those who may cross your path who may have harmed you (click here for a good read to gain this perspective) AND when most people hear me say this I always get a question in response, “So you’re telling me it’s my fault I’ve been treated like this?” or “So you’re telling me I created this hell I live in?” That’s a topic for another post. Let me say this when you remove the layers of our psychological filters, the TRUTH is our manifested world is a reflection of the story we hold within, those inner truths. If you have more questions, please connect with me at Admin@jodykhill.com 

The bottom line shows straying is a journey, right? Going away from the herd mentality of obedience. Obedience to what? Family values or God’s TRUTH? Society’s perception of how relationships should look? 

Would you agree, heartache then comes when you feel your loved ones are straying from YOUR journey? 

I will send you off with light and love. If you have any questions, please reach out, my goal is to guide you to peace, confidence, and love in all relationships. Remember, this is a post to analyze where TRUTH is found and how it fits in life. 

The end result to this question is; It’s a Divine CORE belief there IS no Eternal Separation but our conditioned mind has created the fear around the idea, teaching, or interpretation of Eternal Separation …..

TRUTH or truth?