SOUL Abuse; Rejection versus Unwanted

A friend on Facebook shared her story of being abused and a part she shared pierced my heart. 

As you all know, I continue to heal, layer upon layer, understanding and removing negative emotions that I’ve taken on dealing with a narcissistic mother through writing my blog posts.

Here’s what my friend wrote: “My therapist has told me that it isn’t even the severity of the abuse that determines a person’s ability to go on and heal from it, but more so whether they were believed and supported when they came forward.” ~ Katie McKenzie Peterpaul

When I read the part about being believed and supported, it hit home! Even if the rest didn’t relate to anything for me, this one part did. 

This was the key that brought understanding to my soul; of course, I had to dig deeper. 

You ask, how’s this going to tie in together? Good question! Let’s dissect this and figure this out together.

First, feeling unwanted or rejected are masks for something we feel emotionally deeper. That core yearning to feel others believing in and supporting our divine self. Supporting our divine nature, aka our divine motives which relate to our core character. Not the character others interpret. Just think when someone gossips something bad about you, that person who believes and supports you would NEVER believe what was said. They would have your back. 

Second, It feeds our soul when others see our goodness and our efforts, during the good times and bad. We seek out those WHO see us without question, aka interpretation. We feel a deep connection to those who see us ~ It’s that unconditional love our soul seeks. Our humanness seeks it from others but our divine nature seeks to feel it from Spirit. So when we talk about trauma or abuse in the physical sense, it happens to us spiritually as well. Trauma or abuse of our soul happens when we feel dismissed and believe it as truth. When we feel judged and believe the lie. When we feel accused and believe we are bad. When our character is attacked and we think it’s justified. It’s only when we believe it, does it penetrate us. Think of pretend fighting. When a person throws a punch but doesn’t hit the person, there’s no pain. That is much like having negative feelings of judgment, dismissal, or accusations thrown BUT if that person actually hits the other person, the pain of the dismissal, judgment, accusation ‘hit’ is felt. When we believe the lie of the negative, we feel emotional pain and that pain penetrates our soul. 

What hurts the most is when others you love believe and support the assigned motives over your true character; this has to be the biggest hit of them all! 

We all have pain, we’ve all been hit and when we feel ready to heal, we seek ways that resonate with our soul. I could write pages upon pages of the dark holes of pain I’ve fallen into but I can also relate years of work in learning how to climb out by healing. 

A good resource is a book, “The Four Agreements”

In the First Agreement, it says, “Think back to a time when you or someone you know was angry with someone else and desired revenge. In order to seek revenge, you said something to or about that person with the intention of spreading poison and making that person feel bad about him- or herself.”

I still feel the sting of hurt when a person who was angry with me and desired revenge. I believed this person believed in me and supported me ~ the deepest pain came when I shared feelings from my heart and they claimed I attacked them aka assigned me a motive to years of a friendship and spread those assigned motives they created to anyone who’d listen, yep aka gossiped. WOW! It felt like our entire relationship became an instant lie and I felt the depth of the betrayal. I could spend energy on ‘proving’ her wrong and those she told these hurtful things to but where would that take me? Yep, even deeper into a dark hole of pain and swallowing that poison she spread, all for me to be brought to her level of feeling bad about myself. 

Even writing it I still feel the sting. It was like those words were a flame being thrown on sunburned skin. It hurt! And, it hurt deeply. During those times it’s ok to take a bit longer to realign to spiritual truths. Those who sincerely love you will give you space and time to realign. I can not be in charge of how they feel, I can only be in charge of what I do. I can understand they may be in a challenging position, so I won’t be taking those words personally ~ that’s the Second Agreement. It’s like I can see a wounded person lashing out. Even with that understanding, I can still be hurt. 

When we feel aligned with our truths we know we are in alignment with supporting motives and if others choose to twist them, reassign them, and/or criticized them, that speaks more of their character than yours. 

This is an important reason for strengthening our inner light. It gives us the strength to walk through the fiery darts of emotional wars and stay aligned.  

Together we can create a beautiful New Year! Let’s surround ourselves with mature adults and speak powerful uplifting words with each other.

You may be ready to experience this level of peace; IF yes, sign up to attend the Restored-Soul Retreat! YOU ARE WORTH IT! 

Can you imagine how that would affect 2021 as a whole? Let’s do this!

Sending you love & light

Jody k

Is there such a thing as Eternal Separation?

I’ve had so many thoughts swirling around in my head. You know from previous posts that I spend time analyzing and sorting my thoughts through writing. 

Here’s what I know, believing there is Eternal Separation is more harmful to our Spirits than embracing the truth of God’s love for all his children. What does YOUR gospel teach? It can’t be both ways, you must pick. IF you begin saying, “I believe this way IF” or “I believe that way because” …. be careful because you’re adding conditions to my question. 

Let me explain. In most religions, the ones I’m familiar with, there’s a belief there’s an afterlife. IF we live ‘good’ lives then we will be granted time with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and God the Father. We will live with them once more. Families are believed to be forever so, IF a family member strays, it’s heartbreaking on a whole new level, likened unto spiritual death. This happens on both sides. If a child strays from family beliefs, their fear of making this choice of forever being separated from their family, whom they love with all their heart is devastating. Even difficult family situations are better to live with than to feel eternally separated and alone. One major reason children hide their behavior from their parents. Fear of being eternally rejected and separated. What is sad is IF they stray, they’ve been taught they are bad, which is shame. Do you feel it appropriate to shame children into obedience? Does God shame us to obey? I don’t believe so, religion maybe, but not God!

Shame on parents for loving their beliefs over their child. 

Yes, that is a bold statement but I was one of those parents, so yes, I get this question and I’ve unpackaged it over the years. Today, I’m sharing with you what I’ve learned. 

Let’s talk about the word ‘stray.’ It holds the meaning of wandering, leaving the family to worry. IF parents feel they are losing control, because keeping their family members intact is what shows their commitment to God, the stronger they seek to hold on. IF they continue to stray and the parents or family members can’t hang onto them, fitting them in their family box of rules, beliefs, and attachments, then they surrender and begin blaming the person for wandering. It becomes their fault. The common belief is that the person wouldn’t have strayed if they cared about their family, etc. How sad that even has to be a potential thought! 

Think of the burden that destroys families believing in eternal separation. Think of the burdens parents self inflict by believing in this eternal separation. First and foremost, YOU are not God. YOU believe what you believe based on how you’ve interpreted the lessons you’ve learned. The religious beliefs you hold, and how they may or may not affect you and your family. 

I believe the most damaging is when we connect the word stray with sin. In a way, it justifies and gives us a way to make sense of how we must feel if something doesn’t go exactly how we’ve pictured it. 

During my search to understand, to gain some peace back into my life, to be the parent that loves no matter what, I read, “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom” ~ by Don Miguel Ruiz

I know some would never pick this book up because he states in his first few pages, this is like a new religion. I believe he was striving to state that religion and gospel are two different things. Religion is the organization to create order and manage a large group of people. Much like a family, parents are there to create order and manage their household. The gospel, on the other hand, is the teachings we strive to learn that offer us peace and understanding in this physical world, those teachings that feed our soul. There are gosple TRUTHS and there are believed truths….I’ll get to that, I promise.

The chapter on what is sin stood out. I reread it multiple times to integrate the truth I felt was there. His definition: ‘a sin is when you go against your true self ~ who you are.” What does that mean? Again, I firmly hold the belief we are spiritual beings first, having a physical world experience, thus WHO we are is a spiritual being! When we go against our Divine Self we are sinning. Be careful here as well, because no one knows what agreements they’ve made with God as to their life journey. As a Divine being, we hold and have a Divine nature without any doubts or questions! Period!

When I imagine God’s love or my Divine Self, I can see the duality of energy within us much like a dimmer switch; the light and dark energy that we each hold, and whichever one wins is the one that’s fed. You know those switches that you push up to turn lights on bright, push down to dim the lights and if you pushed it all the way down, the light goes out. Let’s use this analogy. First, no matter how dark it may seem, the power source is ALWAYS connected, right? As Spiritual beings, your divine light can never, and I mean NEVER go out. It can dim but it can not go out. You are always connected to Source! This source, when you go against it is Sin according to Don Miguel Ruiz, which dims your light. How does that feel to you? 

Let me separate TRUTHS and truths as I promised for you. IF I asked you where the sun sets, what would you say? Would you say the East, or would you say in the West? Believe me, I’ve heard both answers over time. Your answer is going to be based on what you’ve been taught, what you believe, right? So if I said to you, both of these are wrong answers, you begin to feel the prickle to argue? The TRUTH is the sun doesn’t set, the earth rotates around the sun. The truth is what you believe. Big difference, right? 

Back to my original question: Is there such a thing as Eternal Separation?

The TRUTH is NO. We are here in this physical world to do our best with what we know and learn. The truth is based on what you believe. Be careful when judgment is made based on perspective! Nothing but harm comes from that, for all who are involved. 

Let’s ask this, so what happens when a child strays? What about a spouse? That child or spouse has come to earth to walk their journey. They’ve come to you to learn what will best serve them. There are no accidents of who cross’ your path. Not ONE person is a mistake or an accident! That path, I believe wholeheartedly, is a path of a Divine nature and no one knows what that path is except the person and God! Yep, even those who may cross your path who may have harmed you (click here for a good read to gain this perspective) AND when most people hear me say this I always get a question in response, “So you’re telling me it’s my fault I’ve been treated like this?” or “So you’re telling me I created this hell I live in?” That’s a topic for another post. Let me say this when you remove the layers of our psychological filters, the TRUTH is our manifested world is a reflection of the story we hold within, those inner truths. If you have more questions, please connect with me at Admin@jodykhill.com 

The bottom line shows straying is a journey, right? Going away from the herd mentality of obedience. Obedience to what? Family values or God’s TRUTH? Society’s perception of how relationships should look? 

Would you agree, heartache then comes when you feel your loved ones are straying from YOUR journey? 

I will send you off with light and love. If you have any questions, please reach out, my goal is to guide you to peace, confidence, and love in all relationships. Remember, this is a post to analyze where TRUTH is found and how it fits in life. 

The end result to this question is; It’s a Divine CORE belief there IS no Eternal Separation but our conditioned mind has created the fear around the idea, teaching, or interpretation of Eternal Separation …..

TRUTH or truth? 

What would you say is the key ingredient needed to Restore Trust in yourself?

Click here for photo credit – it’s also a great article

When you see something that speaks to your heart, you spend time pondering it.

I’m going to tell you a little story. Why? Because of a quote I read.

Thank you #empathrefuge for sharing this on Instagram.

I knew the moment I read these words I wasn’t alone. That my life journey set me up to not trust myself because that is how life goes. I had so many life experiences confirming WHY I couldn’t trust myself and with each experience validating that as a truth to my soul for many years.

I am confident anyone who is reading this could share that same statement because their life experiences made trusting difficult too. However, in the end, let’s talk about ways you can release and restore that destructive distrust and safely open up to fully trusting because now you can. Again, I’ll share what set me up and the analytical thinking that got me out of this space. First, here’s the quote that started all this:

Here’s my story of what set me up that took me from zero trust to full trust.

I spend time writing out my thoughts. This shows you what my full trust looks like, um, you’re reading this right? I write to organize my feelings, emotions, thoughts, inspirations … all of it. Where the distrust began is in the irony or opposite of that statement – I’ve never been a strong writer, English is not easy for me. I should clarify, grammar is not easy for me. I think I was in my late 40’s when I realized the words ‘is and are’ meant the same thing but one was singular and the other was plural. I’ve come along way to be in a space to admit that because it was easier to hide that part of my world. My first memory was writing letters, apparently, letters with penpals were expected at seven years old. Of course, my mom began reviewing them because she didn’t want to be embarrassed which ended up with her correcting them. I swear she expected them to be a literary masterpiece and in my head, I was just writing. The idea that I was stupid was planted.

So I stopped (my coping skill).

I stopped for years (holding strong to that coping skill)

Let me take you back to my beginning of what happened after this seed of doubt was planted and how my immature thought processes nurtured this distrust over and over.

From my seven-year-old little girl self, I got by in school. I did much better in math than English. Junior high was when my challenges really showed up. I didn’t keep up, I slid along. Not sure how I passed. Maybe at that time, schools just passed all the students because that is how I remember high school too. I rarely went to my classes, I was good at hiding and not being seen.

It’s still embarrassing to tell this story of my Freshman year in college, I had just turned 18. You see, I ‘tested’ to be in the remedial English class. I wasn’t upset at that because I thought I’d actually learn how to use proper grammar. However, after pouring my heart into an assignment the instructor handed mine back with a very large F on it, then said directly to me while I was in class, “I don’t even know why you’re in here.” Well, that didn’t boost my confidence much. I wanted to run and hide. Do you think I ever wanted to write again? Would you have trust in yourself if you were me?

Why am I telling you all this? What was it about these words, in the quote above, that held such an impact for me?

The impact came because I’m always in a space ready to heal. I continue to have the courage to stop hiding. I AM ready to be heard. My journey has taken me full circle, or so I thought. I have learned to take away blame, blaming all the bad things that happened to me. I’ve overcome procrastination – one of the hardest addictions I’ve had. I had spent years giving up being a victim of my circumstances because I finally got pissed off enough to say STOP! So when I read these words and how they pierced my heart, I knew I had one more layer to release…. damn it!

Seriously, the ‘circle’ only expands, it doesn’t close. Remember, life is a journey, not a destination.

If you’re still reading this, it’s time to ask yourself these important questions:

Do you want to be heard?

Do you want to take ownership of your life and no longer be a victim of your circumstances? Good!

Those feelings are telling you it’s time to tell your inner bully it’s about to get its butt kicked.

Here goes me sharing my analytical mind and my random thinking again, my random-ness that gets my thoughts sorted out. I laugh out loud when I begin because I hear those who will read this and say, “she doesn’t make any sense or that sentence should have had a period, semi-colon, or whatever.” I visualize myself flipping them off – sorry but I am so done being told I’m stupid BUT then I want to hug them because they care… On the flip side, my heart fills with joy and gratitude for those of you who read this with their heart. Maybe you gain something from my random-ness, maybe it gave you permission to just map out your feelings to get an idea of where to start. Either way, thank you for being here!

Let’s dissect this, shall we?

Energetically you know exactly what to do in every situation

First, every time I hear, read, or see the word energetically my mind inserts the word spiritually. Energy = Spirit. Energetically = Spiritually. Can you see why I read the words written but read with my heart; spiritually I know exactly what to do in every situation?

That confirmes I’m on my correct path. I believe with all my heart we come to this earth KNOWING who we are, we have an understanding of what trials and challenges that we will face.

Now the second half: You just question it because you were taught not to trust yourself.

I don’t believe we were just dropped out of heaven, abandoned. Our life was given to parents, some parents are all with it and others are clueless. Some were a cherished gift while others were seen as an obstacle. No matter who your parents are or what they’ve done (yep, even the suckiest and rotten ones out there), they’ve done their best, period! AND …. that holds no effect of who you are and the purpose of why you are here. However, it leads one to that nagging question of why me? Am I right?

I also believe the purpose of this ‘earth’ life gives us experiences with people who play a role in our lives. Every person who crosses our path plays a role, a good or bad one. It all depends on what emotional filters we came with, what challenges we agreed to overcome, and what lessons we are to learn. Lessons are there to teach us. Are your lessons teaching you to trust yourself or not? Maybe the real question is are you distrusting YOU, LIFE, or GOD? Maybe you say you trust God but you don’t trust your intuition. Isn’t God and intuition one in the same?  Let that sink in for a minute. Powerful connection uh?

Read the definition below and see what comes up.

Dictionary’s definition: The feeling that someone or something cannot be relied upon. Doubt the honesty or reliability of; regard with suspicion

For me, I couldn’t rely upon my brain. Therefore, leading me to distrust myself.

As children, we have less life experience to understand how to handle certain situations, therefore, we create coping skills. Coping skills teach us how to handle situations based on the level of understanding we hold. Coping skills gives us something to rely on, something to trust. My coping skill of hiding began as early as that seven-year-old little girl. I didn’t know any different at that time, right? I knew I didn’t like to be judged so I avoided that situation, yep, by hiding. Does that make sense?

What coping skills do you recognize you’ve created?

I liken the idea of coping skills and explain how I see that, mixed with my belief from a story I read in the book, The Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Ecker. His story told of a person typing, printing off the paper, and reviewing it. Once a typo was found, they found ways to erase the typo. They reprinted the paper, but again the typo was found, it wouldn’t go away. His point to this story is you have to erase the typos in the blueprint, not the printout. The printout is your experience, and how you’ve processed it. You can’t pretend these experiences didn’t happen. You don’t have to go back and relive them. But, in the same breath, you don’t have to accept them either.

Here’s the secret on how to correct them. The blueprint is who you really are, the author is the one who originates the paper, right? So, I ask that you go back to source; whatever you call your higher power. I call mine God. I’m confident there are typos, but now you know how to fix them, right? To change the typos you go back to truth, which I call source. The truth you are a spiritual being having an earthly experience. The people in your life, those who have crossed your path have scribbled a bunch of lies on your paper and up to this point, you’ve believed them. Believing them keeps you in victimhood so STOP IT!

Other people are not the author of your story, who is?

Exactly, YOU and your energy, your light source, your higher power.

Here are some suggestions on how to begin shifting your mindset from printout to blueprint … once you do this, healing, understanding, awareness, acceptance all begin to flow through you.

  • Believing you are a spiritual being FIRST gives you the confidence to discern between spirit and ego. Your physical body houses the duality of energy within you. It’s not out there somewhere. It’s WITHIN YOU! Spirit is the author of a higher vibration. The ego is the author of a lower vibration. Spirit is love, kindness, acceptance, and unity. The ego is separation, fear, and conflict. Exercise: You can begin by paying attention to your inner thoughts, how many thoughts do you feel go on the spirit side, how many go on the ego side. This alone is eye-opening. Like an accounting of which energy you lean towards. Take a small notebook with you for a week and separate your pages with a line down the middle; write Spirit on one side, Ego on the other. Be aware, this takes a great deal of awareness, it’s like counting how many times you blink in a day. So if you are an ‘all or nothing’ type personality, you must know you’ll never account every thought you have, because your thoughts happen all day long. Just tally the ones that come to your awareness. Tally as many as you can, there is no right or wrong amount. Once you complete this for a week, it’ll make more sense when you hear me say, please be careful and mindful of your self-talk from now on.
  • Knowing your coping skills hold emotional attachments gives you a clearer understanding of why they are difficult to release. Exercise: write out all the labels you place on yourself. Are you a mother, daughter, aunt, sister? Do you work at home, outside of the home, what is your profession, are you a boss, employee? What labels define YOU? At #restoredsoul5 we go into all this in detail. Join us on Instagram and be the first to get all the details of what we have planned.

That should get you started. Just knowing I have the power to change MY blueprint, and no one has the power or authority to decide my feelings, my perception, or how to feel. That is on me, all of me, and I love that freedom!