SOUL Abuse; Rejection versus Unwanted

A friend on Facebook shared her story of being abused and a part she shared pierced my heart. 

As you all know, I continue to heal, layer upon layer, understanding and removing negative emotions that I’ve taken on dealing with a narcissistic mother through writing my blog posts.

Here’s what my friend wrote: “My therapist has told me that it isn’t even the severity of the abuse that determines a person’s ability to go on and heal from it, but more so whether they were believed and supported when they came forward.” ~ Katie McKenzie Peterpaul

When I read the part about being believed and supported, it hit home! Even if the rest didn’t relate to anything for me, this one part did. 

This was the key that brought understanding to my soul; of course, I had to dig deeper. 

You ask, how’s this going to tie in together? Good question! Let’s dissect this and figure this out together.

First, feeling unwanted or rejected are masks for something we feel emotionally deeper. That core yearning to feel others believing in and supporting our divine self. Supporting our divine nature, aka our divine motives which relate to our core character. Not the character others interpret. Just think when someone gossips something bad about you, that person who believes and supports you would NEVER believe what was said. They would have your back. 

Second, It feeds our soul when others see our goodness and our efforts, during the good times and bad. We seek out those WHO see us without question, aka interpretation. We feel a deep connection to those who see us ~ It’s that unconditional love our soul seeks. Our humanness seeks it from others but our divine nature seeks to feel it from Spirit. So when we talk about trauma or abuse in the physical sense, it happens to us spiritually as well. Trauma or abuse of our soul happens when we feel dismissed and believe it as truth. When we feel judged and believe the lie. When we feel accused and believe we are bad. When our character is attacked and we think it’s justified. It’s only when we believe it, does it penetrate us. Think of pretend fighting. When a person throws a punch but doesn’t hit the person, there’s no pain. That is much like having negative feelings of judgment, dismissal, or accusations thrown BUT if that person actually hits the other person, the pain of the dismissal, judgment, accusation ‘hit’ is felt. When we believe the lie of the negative, we feel emotional pain and that pain penetrates our soul. 

What hurts the most is when others you love believe and support the assigned motives over your true character; this has to be the biggest hit of them all! 

We all have pain, we’ve all been hit and when we feel ready to heal, we seek ways that resonate with our soul. I could write pages upon pages of the dark holes of pain I’ve fallen into but I can also relate years of work in learning how to climb out by healing. 

A good resource is a book, “The Four Agreements”

In the First Agreement, it says, “Think back to a time when you or someone you know was angry with someone else and desired revenge. In order to seek revenge, you said something to or about that person with the intention of spreading poison and making that person feel bad about him- or herself.”

I still feel the sting of hurt when a person who was angry with me and desired revenge. I believed this person believed in me and supported me ~ the deepest pain came when I shared feelings from my heart and they claimed I attacked them aka assigned me a motive to years of a friendship and spread those assigned motives they created to anyone who’d listen, yep aka gossiped. WOW! It felt like our entire relationship became an instant lie and I felt the depth of the betrayal. I could spend energy on ‘proving’ her wrong and those she told these hurtful things to but where would that take me? Yep, even deeper into a dark hole of pain and swallowing that poison she spread, all for me to be brought to her level of feeling bad about myself. 

Even writing it I still feel the sting. It was like those words were a flame being thrown on sunburned skin. It hurt! And, it hurt deeply. During those times it’s ok to take a bit longer to realign to spiritual truths. Those who sincerely love you will give you space and time to realign. I can not be in charge of how they feel, I can only be in charge of what I do. I can understand they may be in a challenging position, so I won’t be taking those words personally ~ that’s the Second Agreement. It’s like I can see a wounded person lashing out. Even with that understanding, I can still be hurt. 

When we feel aligned with our truths we know we are in alignment with supporting motives and if others choose to twist them, reassign them, and/or criticized them, that speaks more of their character than yours. 

This is an important reason for strengthening our inner light. It gives us the strength to walk through the fiery darts of emotional wars and stay aligned.  

Together we can create a beautiful New Year! Let’s surround ourselves with mature adults and speak powerful uplifting words with each other.

You may be ready to experience this level of peace; IF yes, sign up to attend the Restored-Soul Retreat! YOU ARE WORTH IT! 

Can you imagine how that would affect 2021 as a whole? Let’s do this!

Sending you love & light

Jody k

Energetic Connection; is there such a thing? Yes, meet Mo

 

 

Mo is like a customer service rep for the universe. Think Santa Clause idea, a ‘man’ who hears what you want for Christmas … you get what you wanted IF you’ve been good and you don’t get it IF you’ve been bad.

Have you ever thought, who defines, good? who defines, bad? Is the definition based on religion? On how we were brought up?

We can process these as we did with excellence and perfection. Where do you set the ‘bar’ for good, and where is it set for ‘bad?’

Meet Mo: I go to Mo and ask for a new car, a healed relationship, a happy life, a loving relationship, a new house, better health, more money ….. you name it, whatever we ask for, the order goes to Mo. He submits the order to the universe but then our thoughts cancel it out over and over. The minute we think a thought that takes us out of creation energy, our order is canceled. 

Can you see how and why we don’t get the things we seek? It’s our fault! Because Mo is taking YOUR order and YOU cancel it. Frustrating uh? 

I’m sure most of you are thinking Mo is God. Not quite, Mo is like God but for this writing, Mo is God’s employee. Mo follows and upholds God’s laws, Universal laws, or Spiritual laws, whatever you resonate to call your higher power. Creation energy follows these laws too! 

Now let’s put all these pieces together.

  • Creation energy = Universal law. Everything is creation energy – all the good, bad, positive, negative, light, or dark aspects of this world ~ Please read that again IF you’ve ever felt like you’ve failed (or fell) from perfection or personal expectation.

I’m going to include an experience I had several years ago to explain this, I call it my ‘Four Almond’ story.  I was on a diet and I was to follow a very strict food list and almonds were not on that list. It was a stressful few days, and I found myself wallowing in self-blame because in my mind I failed in following this diet. I deviated from what was ‘right.’ I did something bad. What makes this so silly now, not so much then, but I had followed this diet exactly for several days but this one day I put four almonds in my mouth and the feelings of failure were overwhelming. I attached an interpretation that almonds were bad, they didn’t fit the regulation of the diet. We do this often with religious teachings. I placed a condition on my success and I punished myself with judgment.

My husband asked what was going on and he just didn’t get what the problem was in eating four almonds. Nothing I said made sense to him, he kept telling me to get over it, which was the best thing he could say because it was like slapping me out of my downward spiral, because my spirit was clinging onto that shadow side of perfection and expectation. ALL of this experience was part of creation energy. All the good, bad, positive, negative, light and dark aspects of this is part of creation energy. An important shift in keeping Mo’s attention is to understand embracing all sides and not giving power to those parts that I added unnecessary emotional weight on.  The word Atonement fits here, because AT that ONE moment when I realized the weighted emotions of failure was part of my journey, not the destination.  I was NOT failing. I am NOT a failure. I am a spiritual being living a physical experience.  

  • We all have different ways of interpretation for perfection, excellence, good and bad. We each have a unique filter on how we see, understand, and interpret life – yes, there’s a personality test for these too. 

  • We live in this physical world within a spectrum of meaning. We live in a world of duality. Awareness of this brings an understanding of where we are, where we think we need to be, and what motivates us to get there. We are students in this classroom, I call life. 

To be fair to yourself, progress is much like strength training. You start out with a lighter weight and over time, you've become accostomed to a heavier weight. Your strength has been increasing through action.  

This sounds easy for the upholder but it sounds daunting for a rebel. I believe it all comes down to HOW you frame your desires ... hint, hint, something important to know with Mo's language of Creation energy.  

An upholder frames the desire to meet expectations and the rebel may frame this desire to be strong.  Can you hear the difference? 

I've added this graph to show you how progress is measured. When we seek to become even better today than yesterday we do all the right things for an hour, day, week, or month but doing all the 'right' things is not sustainable. We live in a world of opposition, and that means you can be doing all the right things but then do a lot of wrong things AND still be ok.  

Give yourself time to ponder all this and see how it fits with where you are.  Remember, just BE you! it's enough. 

Sending love and light your way,

Jody 

Energetic Connection; is that even a real thing?

Part one:

What does excellence mean to you?

What does perfection mean to you?

These are important questions to answer! We all strive to become better but why does it feel so difficult to do so? Why is it so hard for us to see any progression, or at least to recognize progression for the goals or desires we seek? 

This word prompted me to find a visual that represented how we might perceive what we do consciously and non-consciously. I found the 'high' bar photo. We set our 'bar' to what we believe is meant for excellence and perfection, according to us, right?

Think about it, if I strive to lose weight to get to that perfect weight I believe I am to be, I set my bar to a number I seek to hit. Yes, technically that bar would be lowered because the numbers would decrease but you get my point, right? 

Now, how do I go about accomplishing my goal? This is where Grethchen's book comes in and triggered my analytical mind. 

Let's start at the beginning. I just finished reading the book, "The Four Tendencies" by Gretchen Rubin ~ here's a link to buy it if this resonates with you, and NO, I don't get any kind of kickback if you do decide to purchase it. I'm simply sharing this book with you in case you wanted to learn more about what I'm going to be talking about. 

It is a different kind of personality book, and of course, I love that kind of stuff! I am fascinated with HOW people work, what influences them, and what makes the difference in whether they progress or stall out with desires. 

Gretchen researched how people react to following through or is there more to this word, expectation? 

Not to spoil the book but I have to at least share with you what I'm talking about, right?  I'll summarize and you can read more in detail. It's a well done book! I enjoyed it. 

I'll take one or two of her examples to explain. 

I'm an upholder. Apparently, this is a rare personality trait. IF I fit this perfectly, I would meet external expectations (I would meet a deadline, time commitments etc) AND I'd meet my inner expectations (I would meet a commitment I made to myself. If I make a goal to drink more water, I drink more water.) My everyday life is like a programed machine. 

I'm also part Rebel. Most of the time, I'm an upholder and I have no problem doing all that I want to do. I'm very structured, which people seem to think I have life all figured out but for me that's just a natural way of life.  The rebel part of me doesn't like to meet external expectations OR my inner expectations. I only do what I want, not what others or myself for that matter, expect of me.  I can flip off life some days and feel really good about it. Now, this doesn't happen often as an upholder but it could happen daily as a rebel. 

The shadow side of expectation is equal to the original words, perfection and excellence. We uphold expectations the same as perfection and excellence. We've created a self imposed 'bar' to meet, and on the shadow side, something we believe GOD will meet IF we do 1, 2, or 3.  An expectation is an attachment to an outcome.  The shadow side holds conditions, self-imposed conditions.  

That's an interesting word. Expectation.

Do we hold an inner desire to meet God's expectations to become as perfect as we can in this life? Do we hold an inner desire to meet society's view of what excellence means? Or do we reject what is given because it doesn't meet our expectation of what it should be? 

Let me share with you what I mean by energetic statistics. Based on the movie, "The Secret," it reflects the power within thoughts. IF you thought about what you desire strong enough, it would appear in your life. This is where goal boards, dream boards all come into play. They seek to find that 'secret' to get all of what we desire most in life. 

Pause your reading and spend some time writing down what you want most right now ... I'm confident there will be many different things each of you writes down. Connect with me @RestoredSoul5 on Instagram and Facebook, I go into this subject often and I always love when perspectives are shared. 

It's time to find out what this Secret is to gain or get (I use the word manifest) whatever your heart desires. Yes, it is a real thing!

WARNING ONE: I will state this upfront, not to throw cold water on this exciting idea but to give you stability in understanding that using this gift is not to use it like a spoiled child to get whatever you want and if you don't get it exactly, you throw a temper tantrum. This is the response when the shadow side of expectation is in play. I know some of you reading this are guilty of that! How do I know, I've had plenty of temper tantrums. I now call them spiritual tantrums when I feel after all I can do, God still doesn't deliver what I asked for, yep, I place attachments and conditions on those situations often ... My life journey has become to understand why I do this, so I do have an answer for you. Keep reading. 

WARNING TWO: When I get on the shadow side of expectation, I've learned The higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment. Read that again ~

First, you must have a few key principles you live by to be in a position to have access to manifesting as explained above. I share these principles in a FREE download I created, 3 Secrets to boost mental health.

It's yours if you want it .... lol, see what I did there? Ok, bad pun. On a serious note, it is free! 

I like to call this 'secret' creation energy and I've named it Mo.

What makes Mo give you something or not? How can you get Mo to listen? How can you get Mo to follow through? 

Click here for 'part-two' IF you want to learn more about Mo