Happiness Income? What does that have to do with Trauma & Trust?

What does happiness have anything to do with income? Again, I went to my analytical brain and began dissecting the idea that was forming in my mind. 

First, let's get into what we know and how we feel about happiness.

Webster defines Happiness as (noun) - the state of being happy.

We hold an individual and unique definition of what happiness looks like to us. Much like fashion preferences. Some of us feel great in business attire, or dressed up, while others feel sexy and free in sweatpants and t-shirts. 

Here's an exercise for you to dig a bit deeper into how happiness fits in your life. Take a scale of 1-10, define your happy moments. Those times when you felt elated (happiness on steroids) and valued (feel important at that one moment.) Isn't that what you're looking for when you seek happiness? However, I believe we hold onto the idea that IF we find happiness, happiness will heal our wounded soul it will stick around versus becoming fleeting, moment to moment. That's a huge reason most go on diets, color their hair, spend money on fashionable clothing, buy name brand things, all to be valued amongst their peers. 

Second, let's define Income. Websters defines Income as money received, especially on a regular basis, for work or through investments

You know me by now - switch out the words to the definition of money and use it for rating happiness. It may sound far fetched but visualize the 'value' you place on happiness. Money is just that, an exchange of value, right? So let's use what we know. In your group of friends do you feel happy or not? Does it build you up (increase in value) or tear you down (decrease in value)?

Remember the definition of money? Combine that with (defining happiness) .... money received (receiving those feelings of happiness), especially on a regular basis (consistently feeling of value from others), for work (how happy are you with your job?) or through investments (what you invest your time in, does it bring you happiness?) 

Ponder those experiences you've been remembering, those times YOU felt happy. You felt good in a great outfit, your hair went perfectly, your make-up was just right, you got the attention of someone who gave you a sense of importance. All that is finding happiness from the outside.

That's why happiness doesn't feel sustainable. It's dependent on others' reactions to you. That why finding happiness is like a hamster wheel. Sometimes your hair goes great, other times it doesn't ~ unless you're Barbie!

So in summary, happiness is like grasping air when we seek it from external sources. Isn't all we just talked about considered external when you feel happy someone loved your outfit? When you felt important and valued amongst friends? 

We can all agree then, WE seek after happiness - but how do we transition to seeking happiness from within? That's the million-dollar question!

Now it's time to talk about why happiness is fleeting? I believe it's connected to life's traumatic experiences. 

Webster defines trauma as trauma - 1. A deeply distressing or disturbing experience: a personal trauma like the death of a child. 2. emotional shock following a stressful event or a physical injury, which may be associated with physical shock and sometimes leads to long-term neurosis. 

Gennaro Ambrosino wrote a Facebook post on November 3rd, 2020. I don't know her but her post touched me deeply. I am just recognizing how much trauma stole from me. How trauma put up barriers around my soul to NOT feel, and not receive from others. We all have stories, no one's story is better or worse than the other - TRAUMA is TRAUMA! 

Trauma is like a happiness inhibitor and we all have different levels that are unique to us.

I will share her post in Red and I'll share why this hit close to home for me in Blue. 

The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response. I have spent my entire life making it my life's purpose to NOT to need any support or love from others. I remember after being married seven years, my husband said, 'You still don't trust me, do you?" I'm just now, after 45 years of marriage feeling vulnerable enough to trust.

Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. I remember thinking, if I clean my bedroom one more time, my mom will notice me. Even after many years, what gave me some sense of understanding is when I realized, I can't draw water from a dry well. My mom was not capable to emotionally connecting, how does a child understand that? They don't! They figure out how to cope. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you. This, I believe was the arrow that pierced my heart. I know this to be true in my life

What was your trauma? Feel free to share your experience - not to keep you embedded in your trauma but to be freed from it. Ask any question here if you need extra support. 

From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.

From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart.

From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave.

From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.

From all the lies and all the betrayals.

You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.

Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE.

You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball ... because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right? Sad to say, this is how I parented. My children had no idea why I did this, redoing everything they did, I'm sure they felt like their effort wasn't good enough but in reality, it was me. I couldn't accept what they did because somehow I'd lose them. I had to be needed, right? Warped thinking! 

You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you.

Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak. I still struggle to cry. I feel, but I don't cry outwardly. If I do then heartbreak is at the surface and I've mastered burying it! This is one of the hardest habits for me to undo.

So, you don’t trust anyone.

And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people. I've begun to trust spirit! I trust my intuition over trusting other people.  

To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable...

...But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, the broken heart behind a protective brick wall.

Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either. I've learned a few things that have opened my heart - not wide, but open.

Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming. I have done a lot of energy work to bring down these walls. My fortress is much more opened and I owe that to my grandchildren! My adult children and my best friend, husband Doug.

...The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed. To heal the trauma is to learn how to seek happiness from within. Find that source of self-worth from within. It's possible! I promise you're not alone on this quest to find sustainable, lasting happiness.

Some other coping skills for trauma are addiction, weight gain, or seriously overweight, which has put your health in danger - can you see a theme? Self-destruction or slow death.

Remember: Feel free to share your experience here

Look around www.JodykHill.com and decide where you want to begin! 


{Blog: Waking Up~ on purpose} Faith

Have you Honored FAITH today?

When I meditate and ask for direction, I ask for specific guidance. I have so many ideas, thoughts, and responsibilities happening all at the same time, that I request guidance specifically for what serves my highest good and the highest good for all, that specific day. I have witnessed miracles in my life, awe-inspiring experiences with my family, relationships, business building through creation energy, or simply an understanding to make sense of life’s chaos by following this one practice.

Here’s an example;

After several conversations today trying to sort out a situation I’m facing with my aging Mother, this is what I read, “There are conditions brewing in your life that you have no control over…Even if the storm blows away the structures you think you’ve built your dreams on, all will turn out as it should.”

This hit home! It’s like a visual answer to my pondering. Why? Because I am being taken out of a situation that I have controlled for many years. My first thoughts were I must be failing because I can’t do this anymore. IF I was better at this or that, I’d have the answers. Always, the negative comes up first, but over time, I recognize truth. I call this my come back rate. The negative begins to swirl around in my head, and I know now that I have the power to say, STOP! I can look around and see and feel truth easier each time. Spiritual truth FEELS calm, peaceful, and empowering.

Here’s a weird analogy to share with you what it’s like for me. I put faces to all my responsibilities, business creations, and ideas and when I begin asking for specific guidance, I visualize each one of ‘them’ seeking my attention, yelling, “Pick Me!, Pick Me!” This is the epitome of the chaos and confusion I feel. This is when I stand in confidence and know I have the power to say, STOP! Then all the ‘talking’ quiets down, giving me a chance to look around to what guidance I’m being given. ‘Who’ am I to listen to? ‘Who’ needs my attention today? Which idea, responsibility, business creation, serves my highest good today? What serves the highest good of others? Then ….

I listen

When it’s quiet, I ask Spirit (Heavenly Father for me) for direction.  I state what it is I am seeking to accomplish that day and soon clarity comes. You see, I KNOW Spirit understands the bigger picture. I trust in Spiritual guidance and have learned what that feels like. I am not demanding answers, I’m asking to be shown the answers and guidance. I keep my eyes open during the day and hold the spirit of acceptance, no matter what it is.  Like when I am guided to ‘apply’ for a job that I have no intention to take, I still complete the task because I’m following and trusting there is a reason. Having FAITH and practicing FAITH, is part of my spiritual preparation, step by step, strengthening my Divine Self day by day.

I have experienced many miracles! Spirit shows me, directs me, and answers my heavenly pleas with guidance and direction in kind and sweet ways. I have learned the importance of trusting and following. Trusting in the spirit, which is a non-tangible substance, requires FAITH each day. No matter how many times you have experienced miracles in your life, FAITH is still required for the next one. Maybe you name spirit; God, energy, your Moral Compass, or universal source. Either way, it’s the higher power I have come to understand at a deeper level than ever before. I don’t see it, I feel it! Thus why I titled this post, honoring faith.

Faith is something one puts complete trust or confidence in. Religiously speaking, faith holds a strong belief in God, rather than proof.

Faith is something we hope is true but yet remains unseen.

Honoring your divine spiritual nature means that you hold a clear understanding of who YOU are! Each of you ARE divine beings having a physical experience, becoming emotionally stronger day by day, step by step with an end goal of strengthening your inner light!

Ok, writing is my therapy, and my analogies are like art. Writing assists me in sorting, feeling, and shifting all of them.  I have been dealing with heavy emotional situations lately and I find myself more tired than I ever remember. It’s like I’m dreaming of the ‘good old days.’  The days when I had emotional stamina. Using the analogy above, the ‘good old days’ were like when a group of teenage girls was talking all at once ~ you’ve all seen that, right? I could keep track of all that was said, by everyone. Back then, I could take on anything put in my way. As I look back, I’m sure I could as they were lighter situations. Now, I’m stronger and given heavier challenges.  Now it feels like the teenage girls have grown up and still talking all at once but about life-changing situations, yelling for an immediate solution. Much more difficult to follow. It feels more difficult. It takes me longer to sort through.

This blog picture represents walking through the refiner’s fire. I don’t know if any of you have ever been close to a bonfire, but I have and they are very hot. I had to stand several feet away from the fire because the heat was so intense. In my current situation, I feel I am losing control. I admit, I may be totally delusional in believing I had any control, up to this point.

The more control I feel I give up, the closer to the fire I go. No wonder I am conflicted with resistance. No wonder why any of us become resistant. Getting to close takes us out of our comfort zone for sure. Our comfort zone boundaries are like this fire. Each side is HOT!

Greater faith is required. A saying, I hold dear to my heart says, “where much is given, much is required.” I have always felt these words resonated with my spiritual growth but now I’m gaining clarity of the depth these words hold. I have been given incredible spiritual gifts in which my heart swells with gratitude. All I can say is, “BRING IT ON!”

Honoring faith is honoring my divine self. That inner light, I call spirit that resides within.  I pray more people will come forward and be willing to take the steps towards recognizing the power they hold, the powerful human beings they are!

Are you ready to step up and claim your spirituality?

Create yourself a fabulous day!

Jody K

 

{New Blog} Love Health

What does Love Health mean?

Ask it this way, what is Healthy Love?

I choose this picture because it shows the value of receiving love. In the scriptures we hear about a ‘broken’ heart and contrite spirit. Not that your heart has to break out of tragedy, but for me, it means your heart is given opportunities to open and receive love and light, through the gift of tragedy.

Elder Bruce D. Porter, Of the Seventy, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints wrote: “Those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit are willing to do anything and everything that God asks of them.”

I agree but would like to add some clarity to his statement….

The willingness = receiving-ness.

Being humble and teachable; ‘willing’ to receive guidance. Spirit guidance is an amazing gift! And, the Everything that God asks = receiving all that God has, which IS love.

Our heart is the receiving portal for love!

Our heart is the giving portal for love!

The yin and yang of life; Love comes IN and love is shared. What a beautiful plan!

What happens when we shut our hearts down? What happens when we close our hearts to love? I believe, we become emotionally weak. I liken emotional strength to physical strength.

Love then, could be called an emotional muscle

Think about it, isn’t it awesome when you can pick up a heavy object without thought or concern. You feel great! You feel empowered! You feel accomplished! All because, YOU can! Now think of a heavy problem or concern; when you are emotionally strong, you can pick it up, and deal with it.  All because you can!  What a difference emotional strength can be! IF you are ready to amp up the love that is showing up in your life,  answer these questions and write down your answers, then let’s talk about them.

What stops you from receiving love?

What limits you from receiving love?

What blocks you from receiving love?

When you are ready, let’s get together and figure out what emotional filters you created to stop the flow of love. Let’s figure out what is keeping you from experiencing the love you desire. I’m not talking about sexual love, as that is one aspect of it. I’m talking about the fulfilling, emotional love that fills life with joy, peace, and confidence.

Isn’t time you begin living the life you imagine?

Jody K