How to bring the Invisible Visible; say what?

First I want to thank SammyJ for her blog. You can find her by clicking here. I also added her link to the photo.

My friend, Kristen Holland shared an insight with me that has had me pondering for a few days; “Greatness Lies within all of us ~ sometimes we just need to shift perspective to make the invisible visible to restore peace.”

Here’s what came up for me when I received her text. First, what is invisible that I’m attached too that I still haven’t found. I fully understand I can only heal what I have brought into awareness ~ so here’s my rambling mind:  the invisible is just that, invisible which means I can’t bring an awareness to it because I can’t see it, which means if I can’t bring an awareness to it I’m not able to heal it. If I’m not able to heal it, the pattern remains active.

All this rambling is the justification of my conditioned mind, that ego mind that keeps me in my comfort zone. Once an awareness is brought up, my comfort zone has just become uncomfortable. For me it feels like I’m going to get caught doing something and get in trouble. A huge condition that has stayed with me living with an unstable mother. I never knew when I would get in trouble, I could be doing some thing good or not, it didn’t matter. 

Can anyone relate to this?

We all strive to become a better human. I also believe we all strive to eliminate conflict from our life, as much as possible. Right? We are conditioned to be ‘good’ to overcome our ‘bad.’

During my pondering, I decided I wanted to score my life. Where do I feel I’m at right now. Measuring my level of happiness, my fulfillment, etc. I came up with the #6 out of 10. I have come a long way. I have overcome many challenges. I have went through difficult experiences to get to that #6. 

Where do you score yourself? 

Here’s my point. I am seeking to become even better than that #6. If I have invisible attachments, I stay in my rut. That #6 doesn’t change. 

Remember that saying, “If you do what you’ve always done, you get what you’ve always gotten.” 

That’s my point. The value of bringing those invisible attachments visible is the only way one can begin ‘bettering’ their life, the only way to increase your score of life happiness.  

Here’s a few things I strive to undo … bring the invisible-ness visible so I have the power to shift my perspective in my life. 

I am conscious enough to know there is more to this life. I know there is more happiness to be felt! Now how to find that next step. 

I have grown children and I’m striving to ‘better’ my relationship with them.  Now to learn how to communicate my love to them. 

I had many negative emotions swirling around for years as I was a caregiver and I felt  I was a better person already. I do energy work. I do many things each day that keeps me grounded and feeling ‘lightened,’ if you will. BUT, you see, if I was a better person I wouldn’t have felt those strong negative feelings. Now to continue to embrace my humanness and appreciate what I’ve been given. Remembering this is my life journey not a destination.

I chunked all these thoughts down and what came up for me was, obligation. 

Obligation was the key attachment that NOW is visible. 

Obligation is a sister to expectation. Obligation is like drinking or breathing out of a small straw. It’s difficult to get fully engaged because I’m already struggling to survive. This was where my negative emotions stayed.  

So I said to myself, get a bigger straw. 

Um, duh! You see, I have been figuring out how to survive with that small straw. I would change things up to give me a break, try something new BUT the whole time, it’s still the same small straw. 

Are you getting my point? Is this making any sense? 

What I’ve learned! Bringing the invisible visible, it gets messy. It may not make sense and it may not be logical. That’s how healing is done. It doens’t have to make sense to my conditioned mind, it only has to make sense to my highest self, that divine part of me where all healing resides. 

I know who I am. I know my divine nature. I know that I am a spiritual being first having this physical experience. EVEN KNOWING this, I still have room for growth! 

Follow #RestoredSoul5 on instagram to find a safe space to let go without judgment, expectation or obligation OR check out www.restored-soul.com

Namaste 

How an Introvert FILL’s their Imaginary Emotional Pitcher. The answer may shock you!

"You can't pour from an empty pitcher." "To fill up your pitcher with the spirit, one must remove self." And there is more because this is a popular subject. I've added a few of the links that wrote around an empty pitcher. They each have their take on it. One is about family dynamics. Another one is about removing self (which my language says, remove the Ego to be filled with the spirit. First off, the ego plays an important part in this physical world so managing it is a much better spiritual teacher than removing it, in my opinion) Another is directed at moms, giving them permission to fill their cup too. However, this blog is specific to how an introvert fills this imaginary emotional, spiritual pitcher.

Imagine the scenario of you holding an empty pitcher, what needs to be done to 'fill it? Exactly, putting something IN to fill it.

We can visualize 'filling' it with spirit, but then why do we still feel empty?

We can visualize filling it with love, but then why do we still feel empty?

We can visualize filling it with service, but then again, we feel empty!

I have used this visualization for years and it's done a good job for me. I 'fill' my empty pitcher with self-love or self-care. You know the basics. If I'm not prepared, I'm not able to serve those around me. I've held onto the saying, 'I can't give what I don't have. " That for me means I can not give love without feeling loved. I can't give to others if I'm empty. So all that self-care is to love myself with what fills me with joy. I can't be there for others if I'm not there for myself. You get the visual, right?

Then it hit me WHY it feels like my pitcher is like a boat with a hole in it, water keeps seeping out and all my energy is looking for that damn hole!

Now we can get into specifically what does all this mean for an introvert?

Think about it! Would an introvert begin yelling for people to come to help find the hole in their boat? I don't think so. Just visualizing me yelling for people to come help me brings all sorts of anxiety. First, a judgment is straight out of the gate as to why there's a hole. Second, the time it would take to explain why I think there's a hole and get them to 'agree' or take me seriously is exhausting! Third, if I was a better person there wouldn't be a hole, to begin with.

Can you see a theme following all my reasons for not yelling for help? I am not comfortable with receiving it! There's a simple but powerful answer.

This world is a world of opposition. It's a world of give and take. Introverts are so good at giving but find receiving difficult. When they receive it feels uncomfortable.

Why is this? 

Because an introvert is so use to the blackhole effect, they've attached receiving with it

If an introvert asks for help, they are bringing attention to themselves. That attention brings up the unspoken judgements; They didn't do something right, or they are critisized for needing help, or whatever ridiculous judgment that comes to the surface, it's still a judgment

An introvert wants to be seen as a kind person which holds the idea of expectations and there comes the obligatory receiving. 

Receiving IS our spiritual refueling! 

Receiving IS our spiritual recharging!

Receiving IS our spiritual reconnecting! 

Without learning how to receive in a way that removes the spotlight, then naturally an introvert shys away from receiving. Period! They remain unfulfilled, empty, exhausted, overwhelmed, dissatisfied, or trapped.

If you are ready to learn how and experience the power of receiving, within a safe space, without judgment then get on The Restored-Soul's waiting list.

The Restored-Soul is the event that offers an introvert tools on how to safely fill their imaginary emotional pitchers!  

Do You Ever Feel Like a Bad Mom?

I shared comments on FB, using this ‘quote’ as an inspirational baseline

I felt there was more to share because we as women struggle daily with different challenges. It could be with our children, maybe a spouse, or an extended family, situation or environment. No matter what issue you face, what I have found over the years, is there’s always a common core emotion that shows up in different ways for different people.

Can you imagine releasing that core negative emotion and watch feelings of inadequacy and guilt go away? Beautiful, how do I find it, right!!!

Here’s my story: I was told by my Pediatrician that I was the one that set the tone for our home. SAY WHAT??? He never mentioned that my tone of voice became my children’s inner voice. Yikes!

I left that appointment feeling more overwhelmed than usual. I felt a heavy burden of responsibility on my shoulders. How could that all center on me? I was doing my best and I still felt like I was drowning in motherhood, heck, in life! That statement seriously took many years before the burden I felt subsided. So when I read this ‘quote’ it all came back but now I felt I could share my 20/20 understanding on how I overcame the negative perspective and turned it around to how positive and empowering it is.

Let’s dissect this quote! First, we’ll address yelling. Yelling generates contention. Contention generates anxiety, setting the child’s attitude up to be defensive. Isn’t this what creates a mom’s irritation? Disobedience? Selective listening? So yelling doesn’t stop the behavior, it accelerates it. Can you see where you hold the power card on this one?

Children are learning! They’re also navigating where they fit in the world and within the family dynamics. And likewise, they’re figuring out which vibration ‘fits’ in their home, so be careful, they’ll match what the parent expresses. You know the adage, “Kids follow what you do, not what you say.” They’re like a light dimmer; when parents are happy, they are happy. When parents are upset or angry, they get upset and angry but don’t understand why. This is so important to understand! Can you see how this shows up when parents are in a contentious relationship? The children ‘FEEL’ it first. Faking being happy doesn’t work with kids!

Yelling is an expression of inner frustration. I get it, I was a yeller and a door slammer. My inner frustration was something I couldn’t figure out. It showed up in my tone of voice. My face reflected anger and my tone reflected disappointment to my kids and they’d call me out on it but the sad part is they’d call me out on it when I wasn’t even mad or disappointed. So apparently my face showed a frozen scowl. And my inner frustrations were heard through my tone. My kids make fun of me when I’d answer the phone. I could sound horrible but once I answered the phone, I put a smile on my face, why? Because I heard somewhere your tone would always sound positive if you had a smile on your face when you spoke. My kids call it my phone voice.

The power of this tone of voice idea made more sense when I called a friend and she thought I was her husband. Not a hello to begin the conversation with, it was, “The dishes need to be done, the kitchen needs to be cleaned, the ______ needed to get done.” As I listened, I felt like Cinderella being ordered around by the evil stepmom. Once there was a break and she took a breath I said, “Um, it’s me,” her tone changed instantly! A tone is a valuable tool, use it wisely!

Yelling at your children also sets them up to be frustrated with everyone that crosses their path. Feeling judged and inadequate themselves. So your frustrations, and your inner dialog comes across like second-hand smoke. It shows up in your tone of voice. Everyone who crosses your path is affected. Attitude is important! Attitude is critical!

The most important lesson I learned over the years was that I am 100% responsible for my feelings, my behavior, and my environment. Many disagree with this but I’ve learned the power of this truth! How does it feel when I say, your children hold 0% responsibility to make you happy or sad? What about when you hear, your spouse holds 0% responsibility for your happiness? Now, they can make it easier for you to be happy or sad OR they can make it more difficult for you to be happy or sad.

The difficulty with this theory is we are accustomed to viewing this world from the outside in … meaning, we see life happening TO us. Outside forces affect us which is another way to say we only have the power to react to those outside forces, like a leaf blowing in the wind. No control and no power! We get used to being in victimhood and blaming becomes our coping skill. Right here is where a paradigm shift became my new perspective.

Let’s get into HOW to make this shift. First, recognize you are the one in power of how you react or respond. Period! With that alone, you can become aware of what lies behind the frustrations. Asking, how do I feel?

Here’s an example that happened to me recently: I’m a part-time school bus driver and there had been some issues happening in our district. Parents suing for this or that. Well, we were TOLD there was a mandatory meeting to attend. Ok, I attended and on the way out, some of the administration began saying, “Thank you for coming.” Really? What do you hear? What I heard was an insult. The meeting was mandatory, thanking me was patronizing to my ears. I didn’t have a choice to attend, they forced the meeting on me. Now, if they would have said, “Thank you for making the effort to come today, you’re willingness is appreciated,” This would have complimented me on my character – which of course ALWAYS feels good. Can you see what happens depending on what we hear? When I first heard the insult, I had to take a few deep breaths and ponder why those words triggered a reaction. The words I processed created the feeling of being devalued. I was snippy until I came back aligned to center and realized my value as a human being.

No one has the power to take that away from me. No words hold the power, and no other human being holds that power!

If you only read this part, please know, You are enough, just the way you are. Remember, you are learning too! Give yourself some slack, kindness, and forgiveness. I’m still learning! I am grateful we are blessed with a new day each morning to learn how to be even better today than we were yesterday!

If you would like more information on how to release and undo unhealthy coping skills, send me a message via email. Let’s chat!

Create yourself a fabulous day,

JodyK