{Blog: Waking Up~ on purpose} Living in Hell?

Why? Am I living in Hell?

Caution: This blog post is written to share vulnerable moments I had this week. Includes a thought of suicide, recognizing my on going feelings of fight or flight, and challenges with mental illness' within my family. I promise to share both, the good and bad! 

Here’s the BAD first: I walked out of my mom’s room today, she is currently living in a rehab care center. My mom suffers from advanced dementia which is difficult but along with that, it has brought up previous mental illness’ that have been undiagnosed.  It is heartbreaking and soul-crushing for an Empath, like me. My current situation is difficult for sure, but I know I am only one, amongst thousands, who are walking in this same painful path every day. Yes, I have emotional tools to use but some days I’m too exhausted to muster up the energy to use them.

Today I felt overwhelmed. I felt the heavy burdens I have been given. I think of tomorrow and doing my everyday activities seem way too heavy. I want to sleep, but can’t.  I want to eat, but I’m not hungry.

My flight or fight trigger has been ongoing for several years now, which has affected my weight and my overall health. I know, this alone is a significant contributor to feeling overwhelmed. IF I had the courage, I would walk away. My family is what keeps me from moving far, far away.

For a brief heart crushing moment, after leaving my mom, I thought if God wouldn’t take her away from this misery, I will take me away. If I ended my life, all this would be behind me.  During this, almost calming thought, I felt relief. I actually believed my family would be better without me. I would finally get some peace! I write this because I understand the importance of verbalizing difficult feelings and thoughts of suicide. Suicidal thoughts are a sign of pain, not weakness! I am not seeking help. I am not seeking advice. I am simply sharing. I know there is ALWAYS hope.

Verbalizing removes the power of secrecy! ~jh

My mental conflict: I beg God to take my mom away from this misery she is in, or am I begging God to take this situation away from me?

As I shared my feelings with a friend, they sadly stated, this is what I experience every day! I felt, really felt their hardship within their life. I also felt at that moment, the courage they have to continue living. My honor and respect grew exponentially towards them, at that moment!

Now for the Good: As I walked my dogs, thoughts of understanding began to appear. This is what happens when I am seeking divine guidance on heavy internal questions. I saw this definition on boundaries on FB, thank you, Suzanne Wagner! And it got me thinking.

Let me rewrite it to fit my thoughts towards creating spiritual boundaries. Boundaries between the Ego and Spirit. Boundaries are critical to emotional health.

Why? Because dealing with mental illness, or plain heavy emotional stress isn’t something we naturally make sense out of! We spend so much time striving to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense, that we go round and round until exhaustion becomes the outcome.

Let’s live smarter not harder!

A Spiritual Boundary is a definite place where the Ego tries to overstep where the Spirit resides. The Ego’s purpose is to STOP you from spiritual growth. And, feeling overwhelmed is the Ego’s way of keeping you feeling small, inadequate, and incapable.

Now onto the answer to the questions of how do you apply this into your life and how does this really work?

  • Why Spiritual Boundaries are so important?
  • How do I create a Spiritual Boundary?
  • How can I remove feeling overwhelmed if the situation doesn’t change?

Here’s an approach I invite you to try on…

First, it’s important to understand what is meant by Emotional Fitness.  Negative emotions are heavy, which is why we hear; (a) “I feel like I’m being buried alive” (b) “I’m trapped” (c ) “I can’t do this anymore”

Think about that, the more emotionally fit you are, the easier it is to deal with heavy emotions. We all get them, we all face them, but we handle them differently!

Second, our physical body is the vehicle that houses the duality of energy within, positive and negative. Our physical bodies ‘feel’ all emotions, good or bad. Good emotions that are spirit based, feel light. Bad emotions that are Ego based, feel heavy. I believe we came to this earth to experience how to build our emotional strength, to shine our light out into the world, and share love, for raising the vibration of this planet. Feelings, negative or positive, are brought into our lives for the experience.

Answers:

#1. Why Spiritual Boundaries are so important? Without creating spiritual boundaries we are like a feather in the wind. We go all over the place, without direction. Let me give you a visualization on how I see and understand the Ego, much like as a bratty, spoiled 4 yr old. If you did not establish any boundaries for this 4 yr old, how much confusion would exist? You would soon lose control of any control you thought you had, right? Well, I promise you, there comes a point when you say, “Enough is Enough!” and you lay down the law!  At least that is the goal, right?

#2. How do I create a Spiritual Boundary?  Change the rules! You must look at your Ego like this 4yr old child, and Spirit (your divine self) as the parent. Your Ego follows the rules Spirit has established and we wonder why life is filled with chaos. To create some sense of order, you must change the rules! Here’s a simple worksheet to test where you are now, showing you where you calibrate, weighing if you fall towards the left or the right? The higher the score or words on the left, the LESS emotional burdens you feel. The lower the score or words on the right, the MORE emotional burdens you feel.  Click here for the list of words from the book, “The Power versus Force.” 

Next, look over the words on the LEFT and write down the word that resonates the most with you, the one you feel you would LOVE to experience.

Once you’ve chosen the word you seek to EXPERIENCE, put it into this affirmation. If you are ready to take it seriously, print out this affirmation, then say it out loud as often as you can.

I choose to express my gratitude for feeling  __________, day by day, moment by moment.

#3. How can I remove feeling overwhelmed if the situation doesn’t change? You change how you experience the feeling. You shift how you process the feeling. Most try to stuff heavy feelings and not address them. They don’t spend time ‘feeling’ them.  A powerful way to shift and release the power of heavy emotions is by spending at least 90 seconds feeling the weight it holds.  Next, spend a few seconds thanking it for showing up. Love it like you would a hurt child. Then watch how you experience the gratitude towards this gift of understanding.

You are stronger than you feel! When life takes you down, remember, when you feel fatigued, rest!  Emotional fitness means you will have emotional fatigue. Much like a physical workout, when you hit the gym hard you get tired, right? REST!

You’re doing great! Hang in there!

Jody K

{Blog: Waking Up~ on purpose} Who are WE?

Who are WE?

I saw this and I thought of all our emotional challenges. Do we ‘suffer’ from feeling inadequate? Do we ‘suffer’ from feeling unworthy? Do we ‘suffer’ because we are stubborn or insecure?

All of these challenges are validated through our emotional filters, and those filters are unique for everyone.

Do they FEEL real, yes!
Are they REAL, yes, but only for you!

Do they validate you? NO
Do they empower you? NO

These challenges we suffer from are generated as truth when we nourish them by believing them.

To heal is to recognize we can not serve two masters. One master is the master of this physical earth, another is the master of our divine nature.

I am confident, we are spiritual beings FIRST having an earthly experience. We either put faith in our physical experience because it feels tangible, OR we put faith in our divine nature because we really KNOW who we are.

For me, to know who we are outside of any trauma is to KNOW our inherited DNA, that of a beautiful, illuminated, SOUL, filled with divine intelligence, love, joy, kindness, acceptance, and peace.

I see these ‘traumas’ as a gift, given to me so I may learn how to navigate through discernment and the Atonement to come out even better, living at the highest vibration of love and joy for me.

To hang onto these ‘traumas’ is to say, we are physical beings first, hoping to become a spiritual being.

Whichever view you resonate with is part of your path of life. Whichever master you serve, whatever vibration you choose to live within, remains up to you!

No one keeps you there but yourself!

I fully agree others may make it easier for you to feel trapped

OR

make it harder to connect to your spiritual roots.

Either way, please recognize the first step to healing is to ultimately KNOW it’s up to you.

At Jodykhill.com, what I’m really passionate about is awakening and reclaiming optimum emotional health. When you’re ready, give me a call!

#jodykhill

I posted this on Facebook on the same day this blog post was published. I felt drawn to post it here for those not on Fb. If you've seen this twice, this is why.

{Blog: Waking Up~ on purpose} Faith

Have you Honored FAITH today?

When I meditate and ask for direction, I ask for specific guidance. I have so many ideas, thoughts, and responsibilities happening all at the same time, that I request guidance specifically for what serves my highest good and the highest good for all, that specific day. I have witnessed miracles in my life, awe-inspiring experiences with my family, relationships, business building through creation energy, or simply an understanding to make sense of life’s chaos by following this one practice.

Here’s an example;

After several conversations today trying to sort out a situation I’m facing with my aging Mother, this is what I read, “There are conditions brewing in your life that you have no control over…Even if the storm blows away the structures you think you’ve built your dreams on, all will turn out as it should.”

This hit home! It’s like a visual answer to my pondering. Why? Because I am being taken out of a situation that I have controlled for many years. My first thoughts were I must be failing because I can’t do this anymore. IF I was better at this or that, I’d have the answers. Always, the negative comes up first, but over time, I recognize truth. I call this my come back rate. The negative begins to swirl around in my head, and I know now that I have the power to say, STOP! I can look around and see and feel truth easier each time. Spiritual truth FEELS calm, peaceful, and empowering.

Here’s a weird analogy to share with you what it’s like for me. I put faces to all my responsibilities, business creations, and ideas and when I begin asking for specific guidance, I visualize each one of ‘them’ seeking my attention, yelling, “Pick Me!, Pick Me!” This is the epitome of the chaos and confusion I feel. This is when I stand in confidence and know I have the power to say, STOP! Then all the ‘talking’ quiets down, giving me a chance to look around to what guidance I’m being given. ‘Who’ am I to listen to? ‘Who’ needs my attention today? Which idea, responsibility, business creation, serves my highest good today? What serves the highest good of others? Then ….

I listen

When it’s quiet, I ask Spirit (Heavenly Father for me) for direction.  I state what it is I am seeking to accomplish that day and soon clarity comes. You see, I KNOW Spirit understands the bigger picture. I trust in Spiritual guidance and have learned what that feels like. I am not demanding answers, I’m asking to be shown the answers and guidance. I keep my eyes open during the day and hold the spirit of acceptance, no matter what it is.  Like when I am guided to ‘apply’ for a job that I have no intention to take, I still complete the task because I’m following and trusting there is a reason. Having FAITH and practicing FAITH, is part of my spiritual preparation, step by step, strengthening my Divine Self day by day.

I have experienced many miracles! Spirit shows me, directs me, and answers my heavenly pleas with guidance and direction in kind and sweet ways. I have learned the importance of trusting and following. Trusting in the spirit, which is a non-tangible substance, requires FAITH each day. No matter how many times you have experienced miracles in your life, FAITH is still required for the next one. Maybe you name spirit; God, energy, your Moral Compass, or universal source. Either way, it’s the higher power I have come to understand at a deeper level than ever before. I don’t see it, I feel it! Thus why I titled this post, honoring faith.

Faith is something one puts complete trust or confidence in. Religiously speaking, faith holds a strong belief in God, rather than proof.

Faith is something we hope is true but yet remains unseen.

Honoring your divine spiritual nature means that you hold a clear understanding of who YOU are! Each of you ARE divine beings having a physical experience, becoming emotionally stronger day by day, step by step with an end goal of strengthening your inner light!

Ok, writing is my therapy, and my analogies are like art. Writing assists me in sorting, feeling, and shifting all of them.  I have been dealing with heavy emotional situations lately and I find myself more tired than I ever remember. It’s like I’m dreaming of the ‘good old days.’  The days when I had emotional stamina. Using the analogy above, the ‘good old days’ were like when a group of teenage girls was talking all at once ~ you’ve all seen that, right? I could keep track of all that was said, by everyone. Back then, I could take on anything put in my way. As I look back, I’m sure I could as they were lighter situations. Now, I’m stronger and given heavier challenges.  Now it feels like the teenage girls have grown up and still talking all at once but about life-changing situations, yelling for an immediate solution. Much more difficult to follow. It feels more difficult. It takes me longer to sort through.

This blog picture represents walking through the refiner’s fire. I don’t know if any of you have ever been close to a bonfire, but I have and they are very hot. I had to stand several feet away from the fire because the heat was so intense. In my current situation, I feel I am losing control. I admit, I may be totally delusional in believing I had any control, up to this point.

The more control I feel I give up, the closer to the fire I go. No wonder I am conflicted with resistance. No wonder why any of us become resistant. Getting to close takes us out of our comfort zone for sure. Our comfort zone boundaries are like this fire. Each side is HOT!

Greater faith is required. A saying, I hold dear to my heart says, “where much is given, much is required.” I have always felt these words resonated with my spiritual growth but now I’m gaining clarity of the depth these words hold. I have been given incredible spiritual gifts in which my heart swells with gratitude. All I can say is, “BRING IT ON!”

Honoring faith is honoring my divine self. That inner light, I call spirit that resides within.  I pray more people will come forward and be willing to take the steps towards recognizing the power they hold, the powerful human beings they are!

Are you ready to step up and claim your spirituality?

Create yourself a fabulous day!

Jody K