I don’t want to!

How many times a day do you think or say that? How many times in your life have you heard a child say that? What comes up when you hear “I don’t want to”

“I don’t want to” can be a good thing; such as creating a boundary, setting limits, or being in charge of what you do and don’t do. You don’t have to want to do everything, but on the flip side, you don’t have to NOT want to do anything either … hehe, try saying that last part over and over, you get the idea, right?

“I don’t want to” can also be a limiting thing; such as using it to procrastinate, stay unmotivated, or using it as a big-time excuse. How many times is this used because it’s a softer way of saying, I’m scared?

Don’t you agree the difference is in the motivation behind why you say it?

Once motivation is brought to awareness, you can begin unraveling the behaviors you’ve attached.  Why is this important? Because the motivation of why you do what you do is one of the core concepts to understand when you want to change. Do you desire a better relationship? Do you want to gain greater motivation to become that better ‘self’ you’ve imagine? Do you want to figure out how to feel greater peace, confidence and joy in life but can’t figure out how you’ll find the time? Maybe your situation feels like you’re buried and emotionally dying, the good news is Restored-Soul.com understands how to create significant sustainable changes for what you are looking to find, at the core level! 

Arbinger Institute has observed through years of research, beginning with Freud that keen observers of human behavior have noticed that people often seem to resist letting go of the attitudes and emotions that make them miserable. They avoid the very thing that presumably would help them most to relieve the emotional pain they are suffering. 

This my friend is considered the power that your underlying motivation holds. What causes the resistance to better oneself? What is self-betrayal? How can you stop the pattern of starting then not following through? 

First question to answer, as an introvert, do you use your introvert-ism as an excuse? An excuse to stay back? To stay unnoticed? To stay unseen? To stay hidden? Here’s a great article to read about using introvertism as an excuse.

As Susan Cain says in her TedTalk, introverts bring extraordinary talents and abilities to the world and should be encouraged and celebrated. Check out her TedTalk here. I love how she separates being shy and being an introvert: Shy is more about social judgment, an introvert is how we respond to stimulation, more specifically, social stimulation.

Where are you on the spectrum of an introvert? Where are you when it comes to using that part of you as an excuse in life?

IF you think, say or believe any of these ….

>Knowing you have a story but too scared to tell it

>Feeling compelled to be your best self but not showing up because you have so much on your plate you can’t see how you can add anything more to life

>Feeling scared to put yourself out there because you’re not sure if you can handle taking care of all those people who might follow you

YOU are making excuses to be and stay less than you are! 

You can stay where you’re at, we honor that space. We may not agree with that space but we can still honor that space. How? Because we’ve been there and know there’s an easier way to be an introvert in an extroverted world. Jody and Kristen has  gone through the battle of figuring out how to fit in, and how to create stronger motivation to accomplish their deepest desires. There’s a way for self-care when life feels overwhelming. We know there’s no right time but you’ll know when that time is right!

At Restored-Soul, we share tools for you to be the best YOU in this world, without judgment or expectation. We share tips and ideas on how to show up for yourself and stop making excuses.  We know how to get to the core of what is blocking your motivation. There’s not a one size fits all but there are many tools and ideas to try on and see which one fits. No one said perfect but we did say, being an even better YOU today than yesterday!

Decide today to become your best self. That decision tears down all the expectations of what you think life ‘should’ look like and brings you to create a life that serves your highest self! Let YOU be enough! That means, confidence shining through for others to see YOU, your way, and in your time!

Isn’t it time to stop ‘shoulding’ on yourself? Stop making excuses and staying stuck? Together we can get to the core of what blocks you from doing the very thing you desire most. 

As Susan Cain stated: The world needs you and needs the things you carry.

As Restored-Soul states: Just BE YOU, that’s enough!

The Power of Patterns – part 2

As an Emotional Fitness Leader, everything that shows up as a pattern in our physical realm mirrors patterns we hold in our energetic realm.  With that said, click here to read part 1 if you haven’t already. How we choose and what source of information we choose from (emotional filters created by neuropathways; spiritual blueprints) makes a huge difference within the journey of healing. How you relate, through feelings to your life experiences and the choices that have generated neuropathways will still play out and keep you stuck in an emotional rut if you are not willing to investigate how to create the life you’ve always dreamed of! 

Liken your brain as a pile of dirt and your neuropathways (thoughts and feelings) are like rain. When it rains, the water begins creating grooves or ruts, and overtime those grooves or ruts become automatic of where the water flows. So your thoughts and feelings of what has acquired throughout your lifetime have created automatic patterns that flow effortlessly. 

Remember, you have feelings and feelings validate neuropathways and support spiritual blueprints.

For example, the pattern of serving. You find yourself serving others as a mom, a friend, a daughter, a spouse, a partner … so many roles of service! Maybe it feels good when you take dinner over to a friend who may deserve a break from additional challenges they face because it serves to lessen their emotional load. You serve because you feel you can ‘help’ them, right? These are just a couple of examples that come to mind involving service. As for me, I served others because I felt a strong need I could help them too because maybe I could alleviate the pressures they feel. Now, taking these physical patterns of service, let’s look into how you are affected energetically by them. 

For example, just like serving in the physical realm, energetically we connect to others’ energy to ‘help’ them get through a difficult time. We connect or add our energy to a situation because we feel we can serve them best this way BUT what happens here is the thought pattern that others ‘need’ help compromises your energy. And when your energy is compromised you FEEL it physically. When you add your energy to someone, you may feel it through headaches. When you let others add their energy to yours you may feel it through exhaustion. You may ask if I’m physically uncomfortable wouldn’t I naturally change to avoid painful headaches? The answer is no. Go back to the Motivational Triad; 1. service is a feel-good activity and something you have received from it overtime has occurred (neuropathway) 2. this automatic neuropathway becomes the easiest path to choose, without thought. 3. anything without effort is the easiest path, to conserve brain power, thus the most energetically efficient path. So no, those headaches may be the positive outcome you seek out but without the awareness of the patterns you hold, they’ll continue without ever giving it another thought. 

A critical truth that deserves to be shared here is that no one ‘needs’ help. Shifting this truth becomes part of the rewiring of a neuro pathway, coming back aligned to truth. TRUTH: Every human being on this planet has sufficient energy, some may be dimmer than others or brighter but each person is exactly where they belong that serves their highest good. I know that sounds counter-intuitive but hear me out ….. Each human being is on their journey and when we believe they ‘need’ help, it sends the message that they are not good enough. And I promise you every person IS enough! Their journey may take on a different path than you feel is necessary, again, deciding that your journey is ‘better’ than theirs (can you picture it?’ let me ‘help’ you be better’ thinking) nurtures pride within our hearts. The same goes for that other person who may be struggling, they perceive their journey is ‘less than’ another, again nurturing pride within their hearts. 

The most empowering way to ‘serve’ others is to strengthen your inner light, to shine a bit brighter for those who may be fumbling in the dark. Rewiring your neuro pathways to include truth versus perception. Shining brightly gives off the energy of confidence that they are capable, they are enough, they can do it! Staying with them IN their journey gives them the opportunity of choice because with you they can see a little clearer. 

Now a word of caution; some mistake shining their light as the most important but STRENGTHENING your light is our natural life source. In my opinion, the purpose of this earth life is to learn through discernment what is spiritual truth versus our perceived truth. You see, perceived truth changes overtime but spiritual truth remains constant. If I asked you a question of where you believe the sun sets, what would you say? In the East or the West? I have asked this question to large groups of people and I get split answers then I tell them, they are all wrong. You can feel the emotional triggers pop up and I continue with stating, the sun doesn’t rise, the earth rotates around the earth. 

Please note: It’s not like you must stay with someone to offer them your ‘light’ when they have zero desire to use it but if you do that, please know you are in a space of depletion versus strength!

How can we shift to understanding this psychologically? 

We have our genes; our spiritual DNA that generates kindness, love, acceptance, those core values, and staying aligned to these is what strengthens our inner light. Consciously, staying congruent with your core values is what keeps you aligned. Remember though we still have thoughts to manage and thoughts generate feelings which then dictate behavior. Thoughts are where we hold faith, hope, belief, trust, etc. Thoughts are the indicators of how we’ve interpreted our life experiences. 

For example, If I thought my spouse was enough then that generates feelings of love, kindness, and acceptance. How would you predict my behavior in this relationship? Agreed, spiritually aligned.

If I thought my spouse ‘needed’ my help then that generates feelings of lack, not enough, I must protect or I must ‘help’ them. How would you predict my behavior in this relationship? I agree with misunderstanding and frustration. 

I’ve created a signature methodology specifically for YOU. Take these 3 Principles and see where they fit, give them a try! When you take advantage of these three principles, you can begin your journey of becoming emotionally fit, effortlessly! Download for free here: The 3 Principles of Healing PDF

Sending you love and light! 

Jody K

What’s the correlation between addiction, happiness, & healing? part 1

Ok, so this is a scientific type blog post on understanding an easier way for breaking bad habits.

What’s the correlation between addiction, happiness, & healing?

CHOICE connects all three! So it’s about CHOICE! 

Not just how we choose, but why we choose and how that affects our behavior and ultimately our desire to heal. 

Basic psychology comes into play here but then I’ll relate how that connects to energy work, then you can ‘choose’ where you land within these two concepts. 

Here’s some background of why I feel this is so important to share at this time. At the beginning of my Evolutionary Psychology course, I was stumped. I felt I was to understand the big bang theory and how that relates to humans today. I seriously didn’t know where to begin. Some of you reading this may be thinking or judging me on that but oh well, it is what it is 

First, I had to realize the big bang theory is PART of our human existence. It’s not the creation of our existence. Some may disagree but read through the end to see why I’m stating this, this way. 

Deal? 

Great! 

One aspect of Evolution is about 1. Pleasure, 2. Pain avoidance, and 3. Energy conservation. Psychology terms, the Motivational Triad. 

The easiest way for me to understand this is to relate it to something I know. I know a baby will choose a bottle over the breast to feed every time. WHY? Because 1. eating to fill their bellies is a pleasure. 2. avoiding the pain of hunger is the drive. 3. it takes less energy to get full with the bottle versus the breast. 

You can add in other scenarios within this Triad and see how this makes sense. But why am I writing about this? 

Because choice is led by motivation. What effects motivation? Now we are getting to the bottom of this Motivational Triad. 

First, you have genes. You hold a certain DNA make-up that holds physical characteristics, eye color, hair color, medical history, etc. I refer to this as your physical blueprint. 

But, you also have a spiritual blueprint. In church do you remember hearing how each one of us holds gifts and talents? What comes easy to one and what doesn’t, right? I know my sister holds musical talents and no matter how much I strive to develop musical talent, I don’t hold that gift. My gift is intuition and the gift of tongues. To be clear, the gift of tongues in my definition is I can understand how others perceive and see the world so I can bridge this understanding when I teach. 

This spiritual blueprint we hold includes emotional filters for how we understand, how we perceive situations and how we interpret life’s experiences. For example, if I have the filter for victimhood, it will become easier to view my situation in a ‘less than’ way and I’d be prone to blame. I would see the world as happening TO me versus happening FOR me mindset. Now if I have the filter for spiritual understanding, I would see the world in a whole different way. This isn’t to say one way is right and the other wrong, it offers an understanding that we ALL hold unique spiritual filters within our blueprint and the gift of this world is to recognize that and embrace our differences. 

Second, you have neural circuits or another name is neuropathways. These are the neuropathways that have been developed over time. In animals, it’s like unto instinct. Important types of Neural pathways for this discussion are; monosynaptic reflexes, corpus callosum, reward pathway, pain pathway, visual pathway, dorsal column medial lemniscus pathway, pyramidal tracts, cerebral peduncles, etc.

Let’s focus on the reward pathway. For me, this is the pathway that connects directly within the Motivational Triad. 

Now third, you have thought. At this point, ADD in spiritual blueprints to the mix of understanding and you get where ‘thought’ comes into play. How we think, and why we think and what we do is directly correlated to our spiritual blueprint. 

Fourth, you have feelings. Feelings validate neuropathways and support spiritual blueprints.

Lastly, at this point you see behavior play out. So what can you do to alter behavior? Exactly, you go back through this chain and locate where the most significant chance for change exists. 

That’s what energy work does! 

Do you find yourself choosing bad partners?

Do you find yourself feeling buried and betrayed by the world?

Do you find yourself unseen, invisible, not validated, unheard?

Do you find yourself stuck in a bad pattern?

Do you find your giving personality gets you into bad situations and in the end feeling used, frustrated and unhappy? 

To rewire your neuropathways it takes energy work to rewire thought processes which then promotes healthier feelings and supports changed behavior. 

Testimonial: “As a Vietnam Vet, I spent fifteen years in therapy which is why I was so scared to schedule a session with Jody. I had buried my emotions so deep, I couldn’t imagine going through that ugliness again. I’m so glad I dared to call and get a time scheduled, where were you forty years ago? The peace I feel is amazing. I had the best night’s sleep after our session and the greatest gift I received is the ability to forgive myself. Thank you for everything!” ~ F.D. 

Click here to read more Testimonials

So if it’s that easy, why don’t more people gravitate to energy work? 

It comes down to the all-powerful Dopamine our bodies produce, and what signals it to spike. Healing and happiness lead to shifting thoughts and feelings; where addiction comes from not knowing how to ease the pain of said thoughts and feelings so the behavior is to drown them in drugs or alcohol, shopping, emotional eating, or whatever one uses to dull the pain. Remember the #2 pain avoidance? and #3 energy conservation? Humans find the easiest way to avoid pain. When a person goes into rehab, the best place to find is one that deals with the feelings that triggered the dulling coping skill behavior. Once you find that then the need to dull is removed and healing takes place. However, the habit may remain and without conscious shifting, it may return out of habit. For example, take a hoarder. If a person comes in and cleans up the house then put the hoarder back in, the reasons for hoarding were never addressed, that hoarder will go right back to hoarding quicker and faster to get back to the space that served them, no matter how skewed that may sound. So the importance of being present during energy work is crucial for healing, make sense? The ‘healer’ is not the one who does the work, the ‘healer’ is the one who guides you through the work in a much more efficient way. 

You need more to understand this complex matrix? Using energy terminology; what’s important to know is that the Ego continues to look for any likely hood of survival – seeking pleasure or pain, something to keep our human psyche in balance, with the main focus in keeping one separated from their divine self. The Ego is ruthless and will do whatever it takes to keep up the illusion of artificial pleasure (like unto the hoarder example), i.e. addiction. 

Click here for a great TedTalk on Dopamine

Don’t worry or stress. There is a way, an easier way to becoming your best self! 

I invite you to check out the Restored-soul retreat! This is a place that gives you a chance to take a break, a breath of emotional fresh air and recover your sensitivity to your true spiritual nature. A simple place to be unquestionably YOU. Your Divine Self! Without judgment, or expectations. 

Jody and Kristen are leaders in holding a safe space, offering you space to spiritually refuel, recharge and reconnect to source. 

Namaste,

Jody K