How does an Introvert stay out of this Blackhole? I’ll share three easy steps on how you can, my fellow introvert, stay away from this slippery slope!

Hello fellow Introvert! 

If you are a true Introvert this picture sparks a pang of truth in your heart. But what do you do about it? Or you may be saying, I'm not in the spotlight but I still feel judged. Let me explain it in greater detail. You see I'm an introvert but many believe I'm an extrovert. The only reason why they beleive that is because I have successfully covered up my introvert-ism. I can function in front of people. I can stay removed from the perceived spotlight as long as I'm prepared. You throw a microphone in my face and ask me a question I haven't prepared for ... I'll go blank (retreat, pull away, hide, you choose the word) everytime! Then this cycle begins for me because the feelings of being judged are overwhelming and it takes a few hours or even days to come out of this blackhole, if I'm lucky. 

I have struggled with my introvert-ism all my life. Umm, da! Of course I have, I fully believe I was born with this beautiful trait. Introvertism holds unseen power and once recognized there are ways to stay far away from this blackhole!

Here's a few ways I've been sucked into that black hole and I'll share with  how I've gotten out! Preferably to STAY out of this blackhole! 

A biggy is talking about success. Most of us desire to be successful, do we not? Success has held many definitions for individuals, some it's money, others it's fame, and others it's achievements. For an introvert, there is an inner conflict, a conflict that can be felt even reading these words.  

Take money: the more money you make usually leads to greater recognition. Higher positions in the company, or even greater sales. Look at the spotlight for the richest in the world! A full magazine story on their life. Talk about the spotlight!

Take fame: the more fame you hold, well, that's probably not going to happen for introverts because the spotlight is filled with judgement. Now, they may become famous but will find a place of seclusion; like J.K. Rowling for example.

For achievements, that's another big spotlight and it's possible for an introvert to become, say a gold medalist, but they quietly master their sport, and perform for themselves over the spotlight.

Taking achievements; for extroverts, the attention is all good! But once that attention feels like a spotlight, it's a downhill spiral to the blackhole. For example, I was a real estate agent for several years. I loved working one on one with my buyers and sellers. That wasn't the tough part. The tough part was to be recognized for my achievements. In the newspaper came a highlight of me being the Agent of the Month. As soon as I seen that, the judgement, that inner critic was set free! Once that inner critic has a voice then expectations appear like huge mountains. You work harder, like a hamster wheel to meet those unseen expectations. Maybe they are expectations you believe are what society expects, or parental approval, or the expectation of your inner critic. 

When an introvert begins losing ways to accomplish those silent expectations (feeling overwhelmed, defeated, not good enough, criticized, etc), the inner drive moves to obligation. Anything that can keep you going but now, resentment begins forming. An introvert gets a little more angry over time because they're feeling used, devalued, unappreciated, or misunderstood.  

WHEW! It then seems like the blackhole of self-punishment, victimhood takes on a weird level of acceptance. The blackhole is a form of rest and seems to force an introvert to stop striving to meet those silent expectations. But then again, this has been a life time pattern for many of us introverts, right? 

You take these characteristics and put them into a relationship, well now that takes on another path that usually doesn't end positive. 

As promised, Here's Your Three easy steps to survive this blackhole! 

Please note, I will use the energetic terminology of Ego and Spirit. This explains how we see our situation. Ego lens focus' on using the world as your value system. The Spirit lens focus' on using the spirit, universe, higher power (whatever you call it) as your value system.  

Step one: Recognize the trigger of the spotlight. First, take a deep breath and relax. The Ego lens IS the spotlight! It feels like we are literally under a spotlight, that spotlight which magnifies every flaw you have! Just think of a magnified lighted facial mirror. Looking into a mirror like that you see your every pore! Then when you step back all you can see are those flaws any time you look in a mirror. And in reality, no one else can. 

Step two: Remove the blame. Blame is the author of judgement. To learn more about this, click here for a free download: 3 Principles for Healing

Step three: Realign your boundaries. Expectations are the boundaries you believe others set, which takes away your power! Your boundaries should hold joy. What makes your heart fill with joy? No more people pleasing! No more being a 'yes' person. Remember, once those expectations are embedded into your belief system, they can quickly turn into the ugly path of obligation.  

All of these three steps, not taken usually turns everyday living into an exhausted event. Then to attempt to explain your situation to another person ... well that just adds to the exhaustion!

What coping skills have you used to 'rest' or to spiritually refuel, recharge, or reconnect to that inner joy? 

I have your answer! 

My friend Kristen and I are creating The Restored-Soul event. This is the place where an introvert can come to do just that: become spiritually refueled, recharged, and reconnected. We are truly excited to finally have an event that allows introverts that space for restoring their soul!

If you feel this is an event to calls to you, Get on the waiting list, now! 

Once the 2020 schedule is up, you’ll get notified and have the first option on which retreat serves you!

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