Letting Go or Hanging On?

Letting go of negative behaviors is what we hear often and strive to do, right? In my profession, bringing awareness to negative emotions is the goal, which leads to the ability to let them go. Strengthening our divine light, is then, the ultimate goal.

I drew the ‘Time to Go’  Oracle card, from the Wisdom of the Oracle deck by Colette Baron-Reid this morning. It weighed heavily in my heart because lately, I’ve had many conversations around the theme of divorce. Grief is a significant emotion that happens, but not readily known, that goes along with divorce. Not just parents suffering, but children, and grandparents are ALSO affected and suffering!

• There are many books on the subject
• Lots of friends who share their divorce stories telling how they got through their dark time
• Family members who may have or currently are going through this challenging time and you become part of it.

I’m asked, “How do I know I’m doing the right thing?”

I’m not asked because I’ve experienced divorce, however, people ask me to take them back to the basics.  An emotional sorting, of sorts. That’s what I do and I’m passionate about improving healthy relationships.

For today then, I’m going to share what I do know and ask that you relate this to your situation. If you have more questions that come up, feel free to email me at admin@jodykhill.com or set up a time to chat. You are not alone and I promise, even in the heaviest and darkest time, there is always light, and together, we can find it!

When to let go: If you find yourself in a situation where you are not safe, then leave. If you are in a place where you believe your children are not safe, please leave. It takes courage to leave and when you do, celebrate your courage versus beating yourself up on how long it took.

Another key element to watch for is IF your relationship is one-sided. Meaning, is only one of you working towards becoming your best? You can not change another human being, you can only change yourself. You may have entered into some bad relational habits that create heartache, resentment, hurt, or anger. Are you alone in seeing these patterns as negative? Are you alone in working to resolve these negative patterns? If yes, I’d suggest a time out. A time to gather your wits about you and a time to seek spiritual guidance. Both parties contributed to these negative relational patterns, maybe only one of you is ready to own the contributions made. If yes, this is a one-sided relationship and it will continue to be stuck. A couples counselor works towards giving each party space to grow and learn healthier patterns.  If one refuses to be counseled, again, that shows the relationship is one-sided.

Remember, we teach others how to treat us! Instead of asking why or how can I stop this, I’d be asking, where did I nourish self-hate? self-dislike? Why is distrust showing up in my life?  Why is rejection showing up in my life? Why do I reject love? These negative emotions (feeling like attacks) are a view of your inner beliefs. Once your inner beliefs heal and change, your manifested world changes; then peace and love is what remains.

This verifies a significant point in your life where you know you are at the end of one journey and haven’t started into the next. Please note, to let go means it’s the end of a negative journey. When the person remains in your life, and you work on ‘letting go’ of the negative, you’re dissolving the emotions surrounding it. When you just ‘let go’ of the person or relationship and don’t see them on a daily basis, doesn’t mean the negative emotions that you are striving to ‘let go’ of, has gone away. You’ve just masked them, like putting a bandaid on an infection.

If you have already decided to walk away and let go of your relationship, then there is no reason to keep reading. Remember, if you have decided the only way to be released from a bad relationship is severing it, then be prepared to continue these negative patterns within all your relationships.

Maybe you’ve grown and your partner hasn’t, up to this point. Be careful, your walking away is then defined by conditional love. Your decisions are filled with judgment because you are now judging when and how growth for others are acceptable.  Forgiveness has not been reached in your heart, which allows fear to seep in;  now decisions are based on past behavior, not current resolution or spiritual growth.  Does this require earning trust back, absolutely! Please be mindful and prepared to watch your actions because others you love are, mainly your children, will follow in your footsteps of heartache and conditional love!

Until you learn healthy ways to communicate, plus a willingness to receive love, no one or nothing will change for you. Like the adage, ‘it’s always greener on the other side!’ Well, that may be true, but you still have to water the ‘other side.’ And if you have not learned how in a healthy, positive way, nothing will ever get ‘greener.’

When to hang on: This becomes a time to move on to new experiences and a new way of Being! When you realize you’ve learned your lesson and the form of your relationship is no longer desired, you have the ability to recreate a healthy one. The time to hang on is when BOTH parties recognize they are ready for a new way of BEing!  A healthier way of BEing is the goal, and in a space to relearn how to communicate through love and respect.  Let me add this here; IF there is a spirit of blame, this is NOT a healthy communication skill.  I have counseled many couples and I stop instantly, when all I hear is, “IF they stop doing ________” or “They ALWAYS do _________!” These are simple examples of unhealthy communication in any relationship. People have told me they are simply being realistic using this language.   A great book for greater details is, “The Anatomy of Peace” by Arbinger Principles. A great paradigm shifter!

There is a power within the yin & yang of life. Taking time to heal from self-hate, and self-dislike, literally coming together as NEW, and reborn through a spiritual journey.  Owning one’s own behavior and healing one’s self is the key to knowing sincerity and the effort is real.

If appropriate to hang on, I promise you the new journey you recommit to holds amazing strength and power. All the things you wished for but felt stuck and untouchable, become clear and touchable! Learning and nurturing healthy emotional patterns allows you to soar to new heights. This is also one of the greatest gifts you can give to children. They learn the possibility and power of love. Spiritual love and acceptance!

Go create yourself a beautiful day and relationships!

Jody K