How often do you hear, “It’s all your fault!” How often do you FEEL this?
Why are we so prone to blame? I believe we are living with the plaque of blame. It is one fiery dart that intentionally hurts another. Blame destroys families, destroys self-esteem, and destroys our emotional strength. How do we protect ourselves from the evils of blame? How do we overcome the need to blame?
Ok, maybe different words are used but hold the same intent of harm. I say that because my husband asked if I was writing about my mom. No, I didn’t think so and asked why he said that, he answered,”I didn’t hear those exact words, but I did hear her say, YOU never listen to me, YOU never hear a word I say.” I do admit, when I hear this I do hear the underlying statement of, “YOU are never enough, YOU are never doing enough, You are a disappointment.” Now to share, this has been my Mom’s pattern so I simply didn’t hear what my husband heard. You see, IF you do not repeat exactly what she says, you haven’t listened. And, my Mom does not have two way conversations often. Meaning, she will say, “The sky is so blue today,” and I add, “yea, it’s almost turquoise.” Her response is, I didn’t say anything about turquoise, I just said the sky is blue.” This example for her, means I did not listen. No wonder I have been working on personal healing. Proving myself as being good enough is a constant challenge. What’s interesting, is someone else had to point it out to me.
Awareness opens the window of understanding!
It may feel scary but it’s truly empowering!
You see, blame holds an underlying meanings of: defect, failing, imperfection, flaw, blemish, shortcoming, weakness.
So when you blame another, you are really shouting out they are defective, they are failing, they are imperfect, etc.
When you blame yourself, you are really internalizing and building strong beliefs that you are defective, you are failing, and you are imperfect, etc.
Can you see how important it is to be kind to yourself? Empowerment then is like, emotional strength conditioning. When you cut yourself down with blame, you simply become emotionally weaker not stronger!
Solution? ….. IS Ownership!
What do I mean by ownership?
When I speak about ownership, I mean emotional ownership. This may sound easy but reality ~ it’s difficult. Society has taught us to point fingers of blame. We all have had years of training and practice, right?
Here’s just a sample of statements that hold the theme of blame:
“I just ….. (negative) because of you.”
“YOU just made me …. (negative).”
“YOU never do …… ”
“YOU always do …..”
How do you regain your power? My solution is in becoming aware and then taking ownership. Standing confidently in WHO you are.
This week, pay attention to what you hear and what you say. How many times do you hear statements like these and how many times do you say these statements?
Become aware of the triggers that brings these feelings up and write them down. Send me a message and we can chat about this in greater detail.
You are enough!
Create yourself a beautiful day,